


Coming Apart at the Seams

by zenkitty555



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Codependency, Developing Relationship, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Emotions, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity, Moral Dilemmas, Morally Ambiguous Character, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Doctor Strange (2016), Sorcerers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 15:43:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12235860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenkitty555/pseuds/zenkitty555
Summary: Stephen Strange and Karl Mordo accidentally meet after their falling out in Hong Kong, but find that they may need each other more than they expected. They try to balance their own individual  wants and desires with the reality in front of them.





	Coming Apart at the Seams

**Author's Note:**

> This fic borrows elements from comic, but alters them to fit the story. Liberties are also taken with the portrayal of the psychiatric profession for the sake of drama. ^^ (sorry). 
> 
> There is some violence, but it is quick and non-graphic in nature. 
> 
> Also the end notes contain the epilogue pairings and translations for the German used.

It was something small at first. Nothing too big, nothing too noticeable, just a touch, just a pat on the shoulder. It was an action that would not have been out of place if they had only been friendly, but what the others didn’t know was they were destined to be much, much more than friendly. At least that was what Stephen was thinking at this point.

The days had started to blended together, and he wasn’t quite sure of the exact moment it had crossed over from friendship, but when he pressed Mordo against the cool stone wall of the corridor there was no turning back. This was no longer just friendliness.

After their first sparring session there was nothing innocent or mentorly about the way the man kept looking at him. Now it drove him to do this, and when Mordo, who could have easily tossed him on his ass, returned Stephen’s desire, he felt like he was the ultimate winner in this game. Sure, he would be bested in the courtyard time and time again as he lacked the same physical prowess, but he knew he could be charming enough to win in lustful pursuits. He was still confident in that, in spite of the beating his ego had taken over the past months.

It was sloppy, rushed, and after a few moments of the kiss, Mordo did push him away. Out of breath, he looked at Stephen with a mixture of annoyance and lust in his expression. Stephen was half hard at this point just from the few moments of their kiss and the memory of their sparring lesson. 

When Karl knocked him on the ground, standing over him with that look of pure triumph, it was like his brain suddenly alerted to all the past months of him neglecting his physical needs. Really he had thought the man attractive before, but his desire to learn always triumphed until that moment in time. When Karl stood straddling over him, helping him up, and then gently touching his shoulder in compassion, it woke a beast within him. 

“You want this as much as I do,” Stephen said, breaking the silence.

“Maybe. Maybe I do, but it is unwise.”

“Don’t pretend like it won’t happen again. Even if we walk away from each other now, there will come a point where we will be right back to this.”

Stephen smiled slyly. He knew that the man, so rigid about how he kept himself, wouldn’t be able to keep away. Anyone could have seen that if Karl had something good dangling in front of him, he would try to resist. But Stephen had logic and experience on his side. Karl would eventually succumb to his desires, as they all did. It wasn’t his ego that told him this, just human nature.

“Strange… Stephen. You can’t ask this of me.”

“Why?” Stephen pressed. 

“Because you can’t.” 

Stubborn. Stephen knew it would be like this, but as Karl walked away, he was satisfied. It was not something that Mordo would be able to deny or walk away from forever. Attraction would eventually triumph, just like Mordo had when they sparred. It was an inevitable outcome.

.oOo.

When things fractured after the battle at Hong Kong, Stephen mourned in his own way. He mourned the Ancient One, he mourned his own pain, but most of all he mourned Mordo’s defection. It felt as if his heart had been ripped out and stomped on. To be honest, he hadn’t felt anything near this level of pain since the death of his sister all those years ago. Now on top of that, all of his nightmares had returned along with many other new ones. They seem to rotate nightly. A new night, a different nightmare. He wasn’t able to get any peace.

Sleep didn’t come, and he didn’t feel like he would be able to continue for much longer. His nerves were shot and he had trouble focusing from the lack of sleep. Wong had given him some tea to help him sleep, but Stephen was pretty positive it was laced with something that was highly potent; the nightmares had disappeared along with any other semblance of dreams. He knew it was probably not addictive, but if he took too much, he would probably not wake up. 

The tea was dangerous, very much like the other aspects of sorcery he had been learning about. It was something he knew wasn’t good for him, but as he had to keep going and progressing, he had no other option but to take it. The bitterness of the tea stayed with him. 

Days, weeks passed as he tried to forget and move on from that day. He struggled more than he should have. It wasn’t like he wasn’t busy. It wasn’t like this was the first time he had seen death or destruction. He had suffered a great deal before becoming a sorcerer, and had seen so much tragedy. Now there were more demons that piled up in his subconscious. For some reason he couldn’t shake things this time.

The demons of memory were not the biggest burden on him though, even when they reared their ugly heads. That was saved for his guilt, which festered in his soul until he felt he couldn’t function anymore. There were so many things he should have done differently, so many wrongs he could have righted. 

When Wong started to see this side of him, Stephen was relieved from his position for an undetermined length of time. He told Stephen to seek out some remedy, to treat his soul. It had been an order for Stephen to get some help, unless he wished to grow as twisted as Kaecilius or as aggrieved as Karl. Still, the master sympathized with Stephen’s plight and told him that would be welcomed to stay at Kamar-Taj, but only as a resident. Stephen felt himself stripped of meaning in his life once again, wronged by the fates for something that he couldn’t control. That was until he decided that Wong was right and he had to try to change his life once again. And so he did stay at Kamar-Taj for a while, but eventually left to seek something out, something that could help him come to terms with everything. What it was and where he would find it remained a mystery. Deep down inside he knew he had to trust his instincts.

Before he left Kamar-Taj, he never believed in the powers of meditation, not really anyways. He would meditate to clear his mind, but never thought that it was the soul searching practice new-agers always touted. Stephen kept on this line of thinking until it started to show him the way forward. Not in a ‘I know how to deal with life sort of way’, but an actual path to travel on. 

Something told him that he needed to head west, and so he wandered until he came upon a small town within Latveria. 

Latveria was a small country hugged by Symkaria on either side, and the two countries were sandwiched between Romania and Hungary. It was the first Stephen had heard of the place, but after researching it at a local Internet cafe, he found out that he had never heard of it because it was only recognized by the countries it bordered and not any other country in the world. Unrecognized by the U.N. they were like mythical kingdoms of yore.

The Central-European country was ruled by man who went by the name of Doctor Doom, and the people he met at a local tavern talked of him in their broken English as a powerful inventor with mystical capabilities. Those he asked often hesitated in speaking about their ruler, a hint of fear crossing each face that he looked into. Never getting very far in his questioning, everyone seemed a little more on edge as he tried to press for more information. After the fourth or fifth person he question in the small tavern, he stopped suddenly when someone grabbed at his shoulder roughly, nearly knocking him off his chair. He caught himself in time before looking up at the culprit of the assault. He did not expect who he would find.

“You fool. Do you wish to be killed?” 

It was Karl, most of his face obstructed by the hood of his robes, just like the first time they met. 

“Karl!” 

“What are you doing here Strange? Obviously not something to do with Kamar-Taj as Latveria is country you are forbidden to enter. Even if for some reason you were to gain permission, they would never send a novice like you alone.”

“Hey, I’m not a novice.”

Karl glared at him with such hatred he had rarely seen from the man before. Even the day that he had left, he looked more disappointed and bitter, but this was something different. This was blind anger and his face twisted to reflect it. Gone was any trace of the softness he once looked at Stephen with. 

“You are a novice if you are asking about Doom in public to strangers. It is evident you have no idea what kind of place this is.”

“Well, you can enlighten me then,” Stephen ventured. 

“I am not your teacher.”

“Then help a weary traveler out. What is with this country?”

Karl hesitated, his jaw tight with irritation, but his wary eyes started to give way to that same softness that he once saw months before. There was something about opportunity to instruct Stephen that the man could not pass up.

“Do you have a room where we can talk in private?” Karl asked.

Stephen nodded before showing the man up the stairs. He had paid for the room shortly before he took a seat to eat his dinner and indulge in a drink. He wondered if Karl had known this all along. The other sorcerer seemed like he had been watching him for a while. He wanted to ask, but he just knew that both of them should keep quiet until they entered the room. How long had he been there watching Stephen? 

Everything about the place was very old fashioned, more so than even some of the surrounding countries. It was as if it were stuck in the century before. The lights were electric, but their yellowed glow flickered in and out at times. Stephen stood near the lamp as Karl sat on the bed; the soft yellow hitting the side Karl’s face in a way that made the man seem much more ominous. He wasted no time in addressing Stephen.

“I would suggest you get away from here as far and as fast as you can. Go back to Kamar-Taj, Strange. You have already put yourself in danger.”

He tilted his head in disbelief, unable to comprehend why he would be in danger. Karl seemed certain of this, but Stephen wanted to know why. 

“From talking to a few people in a bar?”

“No, from asking too many questions about this country's ruler and essentially outing yourself as a sorcerer from a foreign land. You don’t understand what you are playing at and should just take my word on this for once instead of questioning everything.”

Although the man spoke with a jarringly fierce tone, Stephen couldn’t help but feel the same affection that he felt before for the other sorcerer; his affection that he thought he had buried with memory of that day in Hong Kong. Just looking at the man, safe, healthy, and still caring about Stephen, brought up all those old feelings. Sad they never had the chances they should have had, Stephen sat next to the man hunched over, resting his forearms against his legs. He looked up with a soft, sad smile.

“So why are you here? If it’s not safe.” 

“It’s safe if you know how to keep your mouth shut. Besides you have yet to tell me why you are here and not in Kamar-Taj.”

Stephen smirked, not knowing how to answer. Where could he begin? It wasn’t like he had a specific purpose that he had known about. He had only wandered into this part of the world after hours of daily meditation and the kindness of those willing to point him in the right direction. 

“I was told to take a leave of absence for a while, and I’ve seemed to become a vagabond. It’s been hard to leave behind what happened that day with the Ancient One.”

Karl made a noise of contempt, rolling his eyes at Stephen. Stephen pressed on, rambling at this point, “and with the continual dying when I met Dormammu.”

Karl looked at him with a perplexed expression, reminding him that the man had no idea what had happened in the dark dimension. Stephen smirked to himself. If only they had this chat long before. Karl didn’t know so many things. There were so many difficulties that laid between them. 

“Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night I can see shards coming at me again, or feel strands tighten around my throat.”

“What are you going on about, Strange?”

“It’s why Dormammu left. You know he got tired of being trapped in my time loop, felt it was better just to leave the earth than having to relive the same moment again and again. Never thanked you for inspiring that bit of genius.”

As he smirked sardonically at the man, Karl looked at him and frowned before saying, “You’re the most arrogant person I have ever met.”

“I’ve heard that before. Anyways, why are you here?”

They looked at one another for a little while. Karl must have been contemplating whether to stay or go, and Stephen could tell that the other sorcerer didn’t want to answer him at first. The internal struggle was written all over his face, but he eventually answered Stephen’s question.

“I am here for a set of books. A set of books that contain spells of great power, deadly if they fall into the wrong hands.” 

Karl looked at him as though his mere presence was an irritation. Maybe it was, but after a few seconds his expression softened once again contemplating something. He brought his hand up and rubbed at his bottom lip with his pointer finger, deep in thought. It was curious. As he brought his hand down, he turned ever so slightly towards Stephen.

“Actually, perhaps you could help me,” he paused, talking mostly to himself, “Yes, you could be very useful. They would not expect it.” 

Puzzled, Stephen sat back considering Karl's offer to assist him. He had not planned any of this, but he was glad to have met the man on his journey. It wasn’t disadvantageous to offer his help, and he would like to try to clear up some of misunderstands that had happened between them. Maybe Karl would even want to come back to Kamar-Taj with him. It would be a win win situation. 

“Yea, Okay. I’m in.”

Karl seemed pleased by this, even if he did not smile or even lose his serious expression as he nodded his head. Whatever book it was, he knew if Karl thought it was worth retrieval, it was probably an important enough text. Who was he to question him? They sat in silence for a moment. 

“When will you get your books?” Stephen asked.

“Tomorrow at lunch downstairs. It was why I came here for the night, but it seems that you have snatched up the last room.” 

“Couldn’t you just conjure a portal here?” Stephen asked.

Again Stephen felt unnerved by the way Karl looked at him, obviously agitated by his question. It was possible that he was being irritating, but he didn’t seem any harm in asking and he was curious. Stephen assumed that Karl must have found a home, as he had been away from Kamar-Taj for quite a while. Having no hesitation at abandoning his post, didn’t Karl have somewhere to go? It would seem counter intuitive to leave if a person had no alternative shelter. He had not even come back to Kamar-Taj to collect his things. As he sat near Stephen, he looked presentable, clean, and fed. Surely Karl had been staying somewhere consistent, as Stephen looked much worse for wear in comparison. 

“Do not ask too many questions. I appreciate your help, but don’t overstep your boundaries.”

Stephen rolled his eyes at the dramatic statement.

“Fine. If you want, you can stay here with me. I don’t mind.” 

Stephen got up to remove his cloak, and it floated off to the side. He was done for the evening. If Karl wish to stay or go, it didn’t matter, but he felt obligated to offer him the space for the night. For the man who had picked him up off the street and brought him into Kamar-Taj in the first place, it was the least he could do. In all honesty, with the way Karl spoke before, it may be safer to have another person with him. Although he didn’t quite understand why it was such an unfriendly country to foreign sorcerers, he wasn’t about to press any further that night. 

After a few minutes, Karl responded softly, “Thank you for your offer. I will try not to get in your way.” 

Stephen turned back to face the other man; his expression much softer, more thoughtful. It had been tense for the last hour or so, but now they both were a little more relaxed after chatting.

For a few moments they did nothing. Eventually, Karl left after picking up the room key off of the table, probably to go back downstairs. He didn’t inform Stephen, but he had no need to. They were not here together, and the room was not big enough for the two of them not to get in each other's way if they weren’t sleeping. 

Taking a moment he thought about their sleeping arrangements, something Stephen had not really thought about when he had made his offer. Checking the small closet he found some extra pillows and a change of linens, but little else. They would have to share a bed. Stephen didn’t mind, and he hoped Karl would feel the same. 

Tired from his travels, Stephen waited a bit longer for Karl until he gave up and decided to go to bed. Stripping down to his underwear, he climbed under the blanket, but ultimately decided to lay on top of the sheet, just in case Karl wanted some space- a separation of bodies. It was warm and comforting for once. The mattress was worn enough so it almost felt like he was back in Kamar-Taj. 

He was barely awake when he heard the lock turn and the door open. Curled up at one side if the bed, Stephen closed his eyes as he listened to the sounds coming from the bathroom. The running water lulled him to sleep before he could get a chance to see and talk to Karl. 

 

_ Staring at the large entity in front of him, he held his ground the best he could, knowing that death was coming for him once again. Even though he knew he would be revived moments later, his muscles tensed up as tendrils of magic wrapped around his throat. Suddenly the scenery changed around him. Water filled around him as he was being dragged under by said magic. Gasping for air, he reached out to his sister swimming at the other side of the watering hole; his voice trying to call out to her. She didn’t notice for a second, until he finally managed to squeak out a ‘Donna!’ right before he was dragged under. He tried to gasp for air, but only water came into his mouth, filling his lungs. Panicked he thrashed about as Domammu’s face appeared, laughing at him. His deep tone becoming louder with each passing second. _

 

Waking with a jolt, he realized he was being held down, a knee poking sharply at his sides. When his eyes were able to focus in the darkened room, he realized it was Karl holding him down. Shaking and gasping for breath, Stephen closed his eyes once more for a brief moment, not wanting to face the man pinning him down.

“Stephen,” he hissed.

Stephen felt ashamed he had fallen asleep before they could have talked. He wanted to warn Karl about his nightmares, how they could be, but he failed in that.

“You need to be quite. Already I have cleaned up your mess downstairs, but I won’t be able to help you again if they know you are here.”

Stephen didn’t understand at first, and then he realized all of his questions must have gotten him into trouble. Karl had to have smoothed things over for the time being. 

“Was I...?”

“Yelling. You were yelling.”

“For Donna.”

“Yes and just screeching.” 

Karl got off of him, rubbing his eyes and sitting at the edge of the bed, obviously upset over Stephen’s outburst. He understood the man’s reaction, and they both understood what was going on, but it still didn’t make it easier. 

Waiting for questions that never came, Stephen couldn’t get back to sleep. Instead he listened to Karl finally fall back into a light slumber and eventually a deep sleep. Too nervous about drawing more attention to their room, Stephen decided it would be best not to sleep for that, and the wait for morning was tedious. He wished that he had brought some of the tea Wong had given him long ago. However, he had been determined to beat this on it’s own and left it back in Kamar-Taj. Now realizing what a foolish idea that was, he didn’t know how to fix it. Pills didn’t work as they didn’t stop the nightmares and they only made him groggy. 

When dawn broke, he laid there as Karl woke and started to ready himself for the day. Although having been awake since the nightmare, Stephen stayed in bed for another hour before mustering the energy to get up and get dressed. His cloak lightly stroked at his arm for a fraction of a second as it often had taken to doing in the mornings after particularly hard dreams. Something that happened more often than not.

His cloak had become his faithful companion in many ways, much like a pet. Long ago he had decided it was most like a cat: at times disinterested, stubborn in it’s ways, and only truly useful when it wanted to be. Although the cloak tended to be a bit more useful than a cat.

As he sat at the edge of the bed, finishing up by buckling his belt, he looked in the mirror that faced him. The lines under his eyes etched themselves in deeper day by day. Dark circles plagued his normally bright eyes, and the white at his temples seemed whiter than before. It may have just been him being over critical about himself, but god did he feel like a mess. 

This was in direct contrast to the man exiting the bathroom, who seemed more refreshed and even younger than when he was a Master at Kamar-Taj. He even looked young with the often sour expression that crossed his face in the past 12 hours.

Stephen shook his head, not knowing what to say, but also knowing that eventually something would need to be said, even if it didn’t pertain to the night before. 

Sitting on the floor with his back pressed up against the bed, he waited until he was told what to do. It felt a little bit like the old days in a way, with him expecting Karl to lead. 

“The meeting is at one in the afternoon. I need you to sit there at the table and if you see any suspicious behavior, discreetly alert me. At the same time, if anyone tries anything, be at the ready. I don’t trust these people, and they don’t trust me. You have little experience in these matters, so just remain quiet as I handle it.”

Stephen smiled to himself, feeling like he was caught in some spy versus spy type plot in a movie. Karl was probably correct in saying that Stephen had no experience in this time of negotiation scenario. Sure he had faced off against others in the few months he was in New York, but nothing like a face to face sit down to retrieve some books. His encounters had been a little less grounded on earth.

“Don't worry. I’ll try not to get in your way, and I’ll back you up if you need it,” Stephen replied.

Karl must have thought of him as an idiot to be saying some of the things he did, but to be honest, the only time they had really fought together, Stephen had known much less than he did now. Still he had learned quite a lot. After all he had been the one to drive Dormammu away.

Sighing loudly, Karl turned to face him. 

“It’s not just nightmares is it?”

Stephen was taken aback by the sudden question, and Karl continued, “They would not have kicked you out of Kamar-Taj if you had only been suffering from nightmares.”

“I wasn’t kicked out of Kamar-Taj,” Stephen protested, “I was told to take some time to myself. I was free to stay at Kamar-Taj, but something called to me and brought me here.”

“You were essentially kicked out of Kamar-Taj. Don’t try to paint a different picture, and answer the question. It’s not just nightmares, is it?”

Stephen frowned at the question. Of course Karl would have guessed; he knew of the procedures within Kamar-Taj and knew they didn’t remove masters with little cause.

Looking up at the other sorcerer, it was peculiar how he almost seemed pleased at the revelation, like he had some superior moral high ground to be standing on. Maybe the other man thought it was vindication for Stephen breaking the natural law. He had no idea. It was a confusing reaction to Stephen’s situation. 

“What did you say to me yesterday? Don’t ask too many questions?”

The smirk that had graced Karl’s face fell into a disgruntled expression. 

“Fair enough,” he responded, trying to shake off Stephen’s jab. “Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter at this point, but your presence is become increasingly more welcomed at this point. You’ve a natural talent for the mystic arts and I can use someone like you.”

It was an odd statement, but Stephen kept silent for a moment, listening to the man ramble. 

“It’s been a rather lonely path I have walked past few months, and I’m not used to working alone. Now that you are no longer a master at Kamar-Taj, I bet you’re as directionless as I once was. Why don’t you join me? I mean after today is finished.”

“In what?” Stephen asked.

“Righting the wrongs in the world. There are things that need to be done, but cannot be done by the many. These are things that can be done by the few.”

Stephen understood the gist of his argument. Things moved quicker as an individual than as a unit. It was one reason Stephen had gone into his own private practice as a doctor- that and the money. He had offers to run departments in prestigious hospitals, but he couldn’t stand the idiots that were sure to work under him. Now Karl seem frustrated with the same sort of system with a central figure of authority, perhaps hurt after the Ancient One had implemented a policy of mostly ‘do as I say, not as I do’ in place. 

Understanding both sides didn’t make it easier on Stephen. He was sympathetic to both, and a bit torn, but as he had no options at the moment, he would probably continue to help Karl. He needed to be useful. Being directionless had only added to his mental anguish.

“Yea, sure. Why not? I’ve got nothing to lose at this point.”

Karl had guided him many times before, so he had no reason not to trust the man.

They waited uncomfortably in the room until the time came and they went down the stairs and into the tavern. Even though it was midday, it was dark in the tavern; light barely streamed in from in between the old, musty curtains. At night it had almost an old world charm to it, but in the daytime it was dreary and depressing. The lack of patrons a worrying sign.

They sat there in a table set to the side, waiting for whoever was coming, and Stephen was trying his best to stay alert. When a woman sat down across from them, with no introduction or even waiting to be acknowledged, Stephen sat up. She had long black curly hair, sallow skin, and a hard look to her eyes. In different circumstances, Stephen may have described her as beautiful, if it weren’t for the way she glared at the both of them. It gave her face a hardness that was jarring to look at. 

Opening her mouth, she began to speak, but it was not in English. It was either Romanian or Hungarian, but Stephen didn’t know either enough to be able to distinguish which it was. Karl looked unimpressed by her, and began looking around the room for another. 

When they were conversing, Stephen noticed she had her hand under her own light blue cloak, holding onto something tightly. Had it been dangerous, he was sure his own cloak would have given a tug, as it had done quite a few times in the past. The way her hands fumbled with whatever she was holding, Stephen figured it must be the book. As there was no one else in the room except for the keep, he highly doubted someone else possessed it. But they could never be sure when there were magic users were present. 

Sure enough, she put it on the table before Karl and her started to argue loudly. Her hands moved dangerously in order to cast a spell. Quickly he stood up, but Karl was faster and with quick thinking Stephen grabbed the book instead, understanding that Karl had her. 

As she writhed on the floor, Karl continued to speak at her in whatever language they had been talking in. The spell wasn’t something that seemed to hurt her, but it was definitely not comfortable. Stephen wondered what had just transpired. Looking down at the text now in his gloved hands, it seemed like a normal spell book; then again he couldn’t read the text. It looked as though it was written in what he guessed as Cyrillic. He couldn’t be sure though. Things were getting more perplexing as the moments passed. 

For a moment, it looked as though Karl was going do something worse to the woman as their conversation became heated again. The look in his eyes was similar to that day he rescued Stephen from the thieves in Kathmandu, cold and unfeeling. Stephen’s cloak flailed slightly in panic at the scene, obviously thinking Stephen may be in danger. Stepping near the woman, he touched Karl’s shoulder urging him to leave.

“We got the book. Let’s go,” Stephen said.

“It’s only one book! We need its mate,” Karl hissed.

“Wait? Where is the other one?”

That was probably the reason Karl kept looking around, he was looking for the other person who would have the other half of the set.

Feeling another tug on his cloak, he turned around just in time to see the other person coming at him; a bigger man bearing close resemblance to the woman on the floor and obviously a sorcerer with the way that he conjured a weapon. Stephen managed to meet him, and he fell backwards on the floor before Karl bound him with another spell. It was a close call, something Karl must have been expecting might happen at the meeting. None of it was making sense, but Stephen knew that now was not the time to be asking such questions. Karl picked up the other book from the bound man, tossed some money on the counter at the bar to pay for the trouble, and motioned for Stephen to get out of the tavern. Conjuring a portal, they stepped through it with both of the books, and made their way towards a stone wall at the end of the path they were walking on. Although Stephen had left a change of clothes back in the room, he figured it wasn’t too big of a loss. He had his life, his cloak, some documents to identify himself if things went sour, his wallet, and the clothes on his back. Really he didn’t need anymore.

“Quick,” Karl urged. 

As they approached the wall, Karl made motions to alter what must have been the wards on the property. He seemed disgruntled by the whole experience, not as hopped up on adrenaline as Stephen had been. Relieved that he was able to help, and didn’t freeze up like the last time he had fought with another, Stephen let out a breath he had been holding. It was unexpected that he would get into a fight like that again, but this time there were less dire consequences. After he had nearly killed Wong in New York weeks before, getting into another confrontation scared him. Coming out the other side of it with both of them unscathed was a relief. 

Looking around the property, Stephen noticed it was fairly idyllic. It was a little wild with the overgrown vegetation, as if the place had been neglected for a number of years. The house behind some of the hedges was not a small house, but it was old and as imposing as some of the other buildings he had seen on his journey. Where they hell they were, he had no idea, but judging from the architecture they were probably still in Central Europe somewhere.

“Where are we?” Stephen asked.

“We are here to collect a few things. It’s not important where we are.”

Stephen stopped in his tracks, annoyed. 

“Look, if you want my help, you’re going to have to start telling me some things like what the hell happened back there, and where the fuck we are. Where are we going?”

Karl stopped, turning to look at him, his face serious. 

“We are at my childhood home, and the people back there were thieves who raided and took over this property after my grandfather passed. Once upon a time they were servants, followers of his, and although we had never met until today, we knew of one another. It’s how I knew there were two of them.” 

“Yea, that was not pleasant.”

“You’ve been sheltered, Strange. Mollycoddled by the Ancient One in her quest to pull the wool over our eyes. I willingly blinded myself for so long, choosing to believe her lies when the own truth lay before me in my history. We are all fools in that respect, seeking comfort in our blindness.” 

Stephen rolled his eyes. Sometimes he talked so dramatically he gave Shakespeare a run for his money.

“Fine! Fine! Forget I asked,” Stephen exclaimed exasperatedly. 

“Then next time think before you ask.”

At this moment, he wondered why he was following Karl. Except for a few moments of silent acceptance, they had been rubbing each other the wrong way. However, since they both seemed to be floundering in life, he didn’t really know what he would do if he left.

They continued in silence into the cold, drafty home made mostly with stone. Having grown up in a farmhouse, it felt like Stephen was transported back into one of those fantasy films that had knights and noblemen, ladies with grandiose lifestyles. Surreal was the only way to describe the inside. It was hard to believe Karl had grown up in such a place. 

Eventually he was shown into a study of sorts; the entire place trashed with books and papers strewn about. It really had been raided as Karl had said, but the disciples they had encountered earlier must have abandoned a long time ago if they amount of dust was anything to go by. He had thought it was an exaggeration, but it seemed that it was the solid truth. Stephen looked around the dimly lit room. He half expected a fireplace with a fire in it, but he was sorely disappointed it did not live up to his imaginative fantasies. It was rather sad to be honest. The place was probably beautiful at one time, but was now left to decay. 

Off to the side of him, Karl searched through the books that had been thrown off to the side. Pulling a few from the mound, Karl looked at the spine and then the inside of the covers. Although his eyes were not as good as they once were, he did notice that they were written in the same language as the books they picked up earlier. 

Karl obviously had something planned and knew what he was doing. For a second back there, Stephen almost question why Karl hadn’t come earlier, but as he watched he saw that some of the book titles changed when placed near the volumes Karl had in his hand. They were linked magically, and could only be discovered if placed in the right order. It was the first time he saw it in action, even though Wong had told him about such books ages ago.

“Finished?” Stephen asked when Karl had all of the books he needed in hands. 

“Go outside. I have some unfinished business, but will leave quickly.”

Stephen wanted to protest, but knowing that he would have to pick his battles wisely, he left without saying a peep to his taciturn companion. Exiting the building, he waited by one of the shrubs that lined the pathway. Crouched down looking at the surroundings, Stephen felt like the place was somewhere  he would not have liked to grown up in. There was something quite beautiful about it, but the energy that surrounded the property reminded him more of a cemetery than the grand estate it must have been in its history at one time. The way the shrubs and bushes had overgrown into the monstrosities they were made Stephen’s imagination run wild. Had he still believed in the oogie boogie man he would have picture it living on an estate like this. The morose atmosphere was unlike any other place he had ever been. 

Eventually Karl exited with a large travel bag, designed much like a carpet bag with ornately detailed fabric. He had changed out of his robes into something more casual. 

Noticing Stephen staring at him, he patted down his shirt before he spoke, “After we get to where we are going, you too will have to change into something less conspicuous,”

“And where are we going? Like I said before, I don’t mind helping you out, but you really have to start telling me things, or I’m going.”

Karl seemed to pause, as if he didn’t want to share. It was frustrating as Stephen was willing to help him, but not if he was going to keep playing games with him. It almost felt like those days at Kamar-Taj after he had become an advanced apprentice. He knew that there was more to the story, but Karl refused to tell him, much like the Ancient One.

“Like I said before we are going to right wrongs that have taken place. In order to do that we need a place to hide from those who will now be looking for me.”

“Okay, is this like some weird revenge sort of thing? Because if it is, I’m out.”

“No Stephen, it’s not. When we get to where we are going, I will tell you more in detail, but it is not safe here. You must understand those in the tavern once lived here and they were not the only ones. We have to move quickly.” Karl chided, making a portal.

When they stepped through it, the thing that immediately hit Stephen was the scorching sun and bright palate of the buildings surrounding them. He looked around, trying to figure out where they could have possibly gone. Everything seemed like a blur at this point. He had seen more of the world in the last few days than he had in the first forty years of his life. 

Different scents started to fill his nostrils as the portal closed behind them. It smelled of spices that were not the same of those in Nepal, but just as strong. It was intoxicating, and he paused as he heard people off in the distance. He couldn’t make out the language even though he tried, listening the best he could. There were too many people and they were too far away.

Before he could gain an understanding of where they wound up, Karl quickly ducked into a building, urging Stephen to follow him. Entering under the archway, they were greeted by a pair of large wooden doors, ornately decorated. Stephen looked closely at the carving and the tile work on the walls to the side of the doors as he waited. 

After Karl rang the bell, a young man came to the door. His style of dress and the buildings told Stephen he was in Spain or Portugal somewhere. If he had to make a guess from the architecture, it was most likely an area with a heavy Islamic influence, so the southern part of Spain. 

It was jarring sight from being in Central Europe moments before, and Stephen felt uncomfortable in his heavy robes. Hot, with the sun beating down upon them, it was no wonder Karl had changed out of his robes before they arrived, knowing they would be going to such a place. Although he was not wearing anything appropriate for the area either, at least it was not the layers that Stephen had on. 

“Sir, we were not expecting you again for another day.”

Mordo nodded politely, losing some of the edge that he had for the last day. 

“Prepare my rooms for the night.”

“And for your guest.”

“Don’t bother,” Karl said as they passed him. 

Stephen had no idea what he implied by saying that. Would Karl send him away or did he plan to share a room? Wouldn’t Karl ask him if it were the later case and why would he bring Stephen here if it were the former? 

As Karl showed him into what must have been a reception room, he put his things down next to where Stephen stood. He looked a lot more relaxed than before, perhaps now believing they were out of danger. It reminded Stephen of the Karl he had known when he first entered Kamar-Taj, only he seemed more vulnerable dressed in plain clothes. The way the shirt hugged Karl’s body and his pants clung to his thighs, it made him seem more human. The master he had known in Kamar-Taj practically disappeared. 

Stephen felt the image would stick with him for a good long while. In a way, it reminded him of that day they were sparing. If he closed his eyes, he could still see Karl standing over him, extending his hand. He was strikingly beautiful in many ways.

Stephen started to undo some of the top clasps on his robes to keep himself from overheating. Although it was much cooler indoors, he had grown used to more temperate climates. The Sanctum as well had been cool enough to not require him to get new robes, even in the summer. This though, was something else.

“Karl,” a voice called. 

They both turned as a woman entered. She was probably in her mid to late sixties, tall, even taller than Karl and of an average build. She was definitely his mother, as they had the same exact mouth and eyes. The first thought that came to Stephen’s mind when he saw her was that she looked regal. Immediately he could understand why the sorcerer always had come off so stiff and formal on so many occasions, as she was the same. 

Karl started speaking in what Stephen recognized as German. He had never known the man could speak so many languages, and was surprised that Karl was so fluent in the ones he had heard. It was impressive, as Stephen couldn’t even handle the basic French he was taught in high school and the smattering of Spanish he had picked up while working in New York hospitals. 

“Don’t be so rude to your guest, we can use English, ” the woman chided.

Karl responded in German, scowling. He continued and she responded in German. 

“None of your business,” Karl finally said in English, startling Stephen.

Once again the hostility returned to his expression. There seemed to be very little love from the son for his mother. She seemed happy to see him, although obviously resigned to what Stephen could only assume was rudeness. It was peculiar, but Stephen bit his tongue, as it was not his place.

“How do you know my son?” The woman asked ignoring Karl.

“We met at Kamar-Taj. He’s my friend.”

Leaving out the part that Karl was once his instructor and possible love interest was probably for the best. Her gazed lingered over Stephen as she seemed to consider his words. Scanning his expression, she didn’t seem to believe him. Turning to Karl, her face fell and her expression changed to match Karl’s. Only she didn’t say anything, choosing to exit the room instead, without an introduction or another word.

Every moment felt more and more unnatural. The sunny exterior of the place was now giving to the same morose atmosphere that he had felt back at Karl’s childhood home.

Karl sat across from Stephen, lounging in the chair, looking exhausted. He rubbed at his eyes; Stephen couldn’t tell if it was from emotional or physical stress of the day. Either were highly likely. 

As he opened his mouth to ask a question, Karl spoke first, “Yes, I know. You want to know what is going on. It’s a long story. I need to right wrongs, and in order to do that I needed these spell books. We have come here to hide out for the time being, the people we met today will be looking for me back in Germany. Most people believe my mother to be dead and my wards shall protect us, so we will be safe here. The only down side, as you can see, is my mother and I do not have the easiest of relationships.”

Stephen pulled at his collar, listening intently. Karl closed his eyes for a moment, looking rather bored with telling Stephen about these details.

“She does not approve of my homosexuality, and I don’t approve of her involvement in killing my father. For some reason, she thinks we are even in these things, but…”

Stephen’s brain caught on the words ‘involvement in killing my father’ and the way the man had said it so nonchalantly. It was not what he was expecting. For a moment, Stephen stopped trying to cool himself off. Karl seemed to notice his discomfort at his statement.

“Those things do not matter. They are in the past. What matters is the task at hand. For the last few months, I have thought about the people who have influenced my life a great deal. Every single person was a sorcerer. The Ancient One, Kaecilius, My Grandfather, and every single one of them bent natural law to suit their purpose and pervert the meaning of a sorcerer. Tell me Stephen, do you believe sorcerers are supposed to do good in this world?”

“Of course.”

“But the people I have mentioned, they have all used their position to make gains for themselves, deceiving their followers, and impressing wrong lessons on those who come to learn our ways. They do not seek to make the world a better place. People like them should not be able to practice sorcery. The spells I have sought will allow us to remove magic from the unworthy.”

Stephen’s eyes went wide as his mouth dropped open slightly. The foreboding tone of beginning the conversation could not have prepared Stephen for what Karl actually said. Stephen sat there stunned, unsure of what to do. The intensity of the man’s expression and conviction in his statement shocking, him to the point where his mind had trouble working for a good thirty seconds before it started to race with what to do about it.

What Karl had proposed, removing unworthy sorcerers’ magic was insane. The man actually wanted to play judge and jury about who was worthy or not, and wanted to forcefully remove someone’s ability to create magic. This was what he had been talking about when he mentioned doing good in the world, but now he was sounding as unstable as Kaecilius had. The only difference between the two in Stephen’s eyes was that Karl had yet to act on anything. It was only a plan so far. 

Stephen was out of his depth, and from what he had seen over the past two years or so, there were no other ways to resolve disputes in the mystical world except with a fight. There was no way he was going to fight Karl, especially given his mental state. Even if he had the magical abilities, which was debatable, he knew that he would not be able to go through with fighting. 

Pausing for a moment, he decided that the only thing he thought he could do was try to convince the man otherwise. Only it would do no good to argue at this point, as he knew that Karl would just become more set in his beliefs. He was as the Ancient One had said, truly forged by the fires of his youth. Stephen was no beginning to realize how deep that went.

“I know it’s a lot to take in Stephen, but if it had not been for Kaecilius and the Ancient One, you would not be in the position you are now. Had you properly learned, you would not be suffering from nightmares and other less savory aspects of the trauma you have undergone. You are just as much of a victim as I am.”

“I guess,” Stephen replied with some hesitation.

Internally he was panicking at the whole situation. He wanted to run away, but knew that that would be the worst thing that he could do. Instead he pulled at his collar once again.

“It’s too hot. Is there something I can change into?” Stephen asked.

Karl seemed resigned, understanding that he had not convinced Stephen, but at the same time Stephen was here. More likely than not, Karl was probably going to try to continue to convince Stephen, just like Stephen would try to change the man’s mind.

Sighing, Karl spoke, “I’ll show you to my room and have someone bring a change of clothes.”

Following Karl through the corridors, they came to a small room, just a little bigger than the rooms he had at Kamar-Taj. Like the rest of the building it was bright and well lit. Karl paced back and forth for a little before the man who had greeted them came with a change of clothes for both of them. Although he hesitated parting with his cloak, it was too hot to do anything with it around his shoulders. They quickly changed, not looking at one another as they did so. 

Stephen turned to see the dark blue fabric of Karl’s shirt, the top buttons undone, showing just a hint of skin and a few curls of hair. Karl motioned for Stephen to sit on the bed, and he obliged.

“If you want to rest, I can have something brought up to eat.”

Stephen shook his head. He was tired, but there was also the underlying fear of sleeping that often consumed him. It drove him when he was younger, when he was not plagued by dreams, but now it was torturous. The way Karl looked at him, he seemed to understand. 

“Lie down,” Karl commanded.

Every command seemed like a suggestion when they weren’t stressed by the situation, and Stephen gladly obeyed. 

Surprisingly the other sorcerer put his hands on Stephen’s chest. 

“I can tell you’ve been drinking that tea for too long. I’m not surprised, but you need actual sleep.”

He closed his eyes and nodded as warmth spread over him, lulling him into complacency. It was magic, no doubt about it. Although he knew of soothing spells, it could not be administered by oneself and he never had the courage to ask for one. 

Stephen’s thoughts were cut short as the spell took it’s hold.  

It must have been the next day when Stephen woke, as he felt revitalized by his sleep. When he opened his eyes, he saw Karl curled up on the other side of the bed, maintaining enough distance for it to be noninvasive. It was a little perplexing why, but he had a feeling that it had to do with his outburst the night before. As he had a dreamless sleep for the first time in a long time, he was thankful. There had been not screaming or him waking up in cold sweats, and he could only help but feel grateful for Karl’s small kindnesses.

Part of him wanted to reach out and touch the man, but he held back. The last time he had made a move, Karl had rejected him. Although they were trying to understand one another once again, he wasn’t about to throw himself at someone who didn’t desire him. Then there was that pesky problem of Karl’s plan. 

After what they had discussed the day before, Stephen realized that Karl had spent much of his life around people who probably tried to control him or influence him. When the Ancient One tried to push Stephen in a certain direction, Stephen had pushed back, but he knew that Karl had never questioned her for one moment, succumbing to her will. From the way he talked, it was probably the same with his grandfather. Yet he trusted so easily and that was perplexing part of his personality. At the same time it was also the driving factor of why he could throw himself into his plan so easily. He had no more faith in anyone else anymore, and instead of believing in someone, he now replaced that with this idea. He was believing in himself, but not in a constructive way.

Stephen couldn’t help but worry. 

His attention turned back to Karl as Karl stirred from his slumber, first by stretching out and then rolling from his side to on his back. Stephen watched as he took in a deep breath; his chest rising and falling with one big, drawn out motion. Karl licked his lips before his mouth parted ever so slightly, taking in another breath. His eyes opened and he turned his head towards Stephen. He looked a bit sheepish for a moment. 

“I meant to wake before you.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I kind of like the company, and what you did for me last night was more than welcome. I haven’t slept like that in ages.”

Their eyes met. Once again Karl’s were filled with the warmth and softness that had been so frequently absent over the last day and a half. Stephen felt himself becoming heated once again, his face probably flushing as it so often did when he was faced with these types of intimate moments he had no control over. 

He didn’t know why he lost his cool so easily around the other man. It wasn’t any different than anyone else he had slept in the same bed with, but it felt more awkward for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that they hadn’t done anything.

He reached out and touched the Karl’s arm with the back of his hand. A gesture that may have been unwelcomed, but like always, he couldn’t help himself. It was hard to focus in the morning haze, and once again he felt almost as if they were right back to that day in the courtyard. Everything came back to that moment between them. There was no use denying that there was interest on his side, and he could kick himself for allowing his emotions to override any sense he has possessed. Only Karl didn’t push him away, or move out of reach. Instead his own hands reached out to feel Stephen’s chest through the light fabric that draped his body. His hands moved downward slowly, pressing just hard enough to feel the flesh and it’s underlying muscle. Stephen nearly groaned, but bit his lip keeping the noise in. Karl scooted forward ever so slightly so that their lips almost met, but pulled away before they could as there was a knock at the door. Stephen huffed in irritation as Karl got up to answer it. 

Pulling open the door, the servant from earlier stood in front of Karl, speaking softly; his eyes darting past Karl and looking at Stephen. Despite its cheery decor, the whole house was giving Stephen the creeps, and although the man was just doing his job, there was something about him that made everything seem so secretive. 

As Karl shut the door, he closed his eyes for a second before moving some clothing that sat on top of the vanity desk over to the bed. 

“We are requested to join my mother and her husband for breakfast.” 

Stephen rolled over, and sat up. Karl ignored him in favor of changing out of his pajama bottoms and putting new clothes on. He looked rather plain with a dress shirt and slacks, and Stephen looked at his similarly styled clothes. 

Stephen couldn’t help but feel apprehensive about being summoned for breakfast, and all thoughts of Karl touching him went out the window. Clearly this was not a household where one had choices about whether or not to show for breakfast. 

Sighing, he dressed quickly as Karl waited for him. Wordlessly they made their way through the house once again; Stephen following Karl into what was the dining room. Sitting at the table, the food was already spread out, mostly breads, eggs, with some sauces or soups; Stephen wasn’t sure. He also noticed a pot of tea and a pitcher of juice. It would be a filling meal, bigger than what he was used to at Kamar-Taj and unlike the skipped meals he had outside in the greater world.

Soon after they arrived so did Karl’s mother and another man, one he hadn’t seen before. Stephen began to rise to greet both of them, properly this time. 

“Sit,” The man responded in a thick accent.

“This is Stephen Strange. He’s a colleague of mine,” Karl mentioned nonchalantly.

“Rachid Alaoui, Sara’s husband,” he responded.

Stephen made note of the names. Karl’s mother had never given her name before, but he highly doubted she would take kindly to him calling her Sara right off the bat. 

There was tension in the room, the same from the day before when they first arrived, even though Stephen tried to relieve it by exchanging a few more pleasantries with Mr.Alaoui. He seemed a pleasant enough fellow and above whatever was going on with the other two. It almost felt as if Stephen was making it up, but he knew Karl too well at this point to mistake the subtle changes in his expressions. Stephen was quite good at reading people, even if he wasn’t good at controlling his own visage.

As they sat down, he watched as the others began to eat. Karl barely touched anything, instead mostly filling up on tea. For the first time Stephen noticed that Karl seemed thinner than before, less muscular. Chalking it up to anxiety, he tried not to stare to much at the changes in the other sorcerer. But there was no mistaking his quiet as anything other than contempt for the bad blood between mother and son.

“How are you enjoying your time at the university?” Mr.Alaoui asked.

Stephen froze for a second. It was an unexpected question. Apparently, the man really had no idea that Karl was a sorcerer.

“Oh, er. Great. It’s been a huge learning curve for sure. The first year was pretty brutal, but you know how it goes.”

“Which area are you in?”

“Neurosciences. Research and the like.”

The man nodded as Sara looked at him, obviously with suspicion. Karl hissed something at her in German, and she narrowed her eyes at her son. It was alarming to Stephen, but obviously not unexpected as the other person at the table seemed unfazed by this behavior. Maybe he just assumed the language was a harsh one.

“Interesting. I wouldn’t think a linguistics professor would come across a researcher easily.”

“Well, you know sometimes we’d just bump into each other at the cafe and other places around.”

“I do hope you enjoy your stay. If there is anything you need, I’m sure Said will be happy to help you. I’m afraid business keeps me away most of the time.”

Stephen nodded in response, and they spent most of the remainder of breakfast in awkward silence. Stephen chose to stare at his food rather than eat or look elsewhere. When they occasionally speak, they exchanged expected pleasantries with those at the table. It was really nothing more than a ‘did you sleep well?’, or a ‘please pass me the plate next to you,’ 

When Sara’s husband had excused himself and left the three, that was when things really got heated. Stephen watched in silence as Karl and his mother exchange some sharp words. Although he couldn’t understand them, there was no mistaking their exchange was not a kind one, both of them scowling and irritated by the other.

Finally Karl got up out of anger and left him and his mother in the room. She sighed loudly, her face scrunched up in pain, becoming emotional. Slowly she turned to Stephen.

“I have no idea your actual relation to my son, but just tell me. Is he okay?”

She placed her hand up near her face out of worry. 

“He’s okay.”

“I am his mother. I know I have not been a good mother to him for most of his life, as my father saw to that, but I do worry. For twenty years he has been away, only visiting a day or two every five years or so, but I still know when he struggles. I have never seen him like this before. He looks so much like his grandfather these days.”

It felt as if she were not talking to him, but more like she needed to speak instead of suffering in silence. Uttering the words seemed to pain her more than anything. Maybe she tried to be as guarded as her son, or maybe it was from the stress of watching Karl lose himself. His own heart started to hurt at the thought, and he looked down at the table for a few seconds.

“He’s not thinking straight these days. He felt betrayed by our teacher.”

She rubbed at her brow, taking in Stephen’s words.

“Then take him away, somewhere far and somewhere different. He will not get better here. There is only friction between the two of us, and as much as it hurts me, he seems to have an attachment to you.”

His heartbeat quickened and mouth started to dry out. For the first time in quite a while, Stephen felt as he was in over his head. All of the things that had happened in the last twelve hours, all of the secrets that had come out, made him pause. It was like that day that day in New York when he killed that follower of Kaecilius. Only he was not responsible for this, and there was no one dead. But the choice, or non-choice really, felt as visceral as that. Her plea sounded as though she knew if Stephen didn’t help Karl, he would be lost to them forever. Another do or die for him, only this time the reproductions may be worse. If he could not stop Karl, it was possible that many lives would be altered.

It clawed at his insides and he felt his throat close up. The way she looked at him with her pleading eyes made his stomach churn and bile rise up into his esophagus. The acidic juice began to bubble up and he felt ill.

Without allowing her to continue, overwhelmed by the sudden rush of emotions and a spike in his blood pressure, Stephen excused himself from the table. The morning had been rife with uncertainty and stressors that had been relatively absent since he left Kamar-Taj.

He didn’t remember how he got to the bathroom, and he didn’t remember how he knew it was there, but when he was retching into the bowl, he felt the tightness in his chest release just a little. Panic had engulfed him for a moment, overpowering his common sense. Already he had made up his mind to prevent Karl from hurting anyone, but this task almost seemed as epic as facing off with Dormammu. Now with Karl’s mother’s expectations from him, it was like right before he left New York. 

His stomach heaved once more at the thought. How could he fix Karl when he could barely help himself? Only the last night was his first proper sleep in months, and Karl was the one to solve that problem. 

After he had no more to give the porcelain god in front of him, he sat back against the wall, the cool tile soothing the palms of his hands. Sweat poured down his brow and he felt tears well up in his eyes as he tried to hold them back. Really, he didn’t know if he had become so emotional because of his overall general situation or because of Karl. Either seemed probable at this point. 

For the first time, he knew Wong had been right. He needed help, too. In all honesty, maybe that was what they all needed. Not just him and Karl, but all of them at Kamar-Taj. They were all broken things after all.

Eventually he was able to pull his sorry carcass from off the floor. It was getting hot once again, and he felt his clothes cling to his body. Pulling at them, he wanted to escape this place, but knew he had no real place to go. Stephen had no family, one or two friends, and crawling back to Kamar-Taj was not an option he was going to contemplate. He also knew that he didn’t want to leave Karl either. It was stupid how his heart wrestled with this problem. On one hand the whole thing scared him, but part of him also needed the man. The situation made him recall what the Ancient One had said to him as she had been dying: about how they complemented and needed one another. Even though she had been referring to fighting Dormammu, he knew that extended beyond that. It was probably why all the meditation had lead him to the same place that Karl would be at. Although there was not a voice whispering in his ear saying ‘go here and you will find him’, something had pulled him. Something had showed him the way, and part of him now believed it was the spirit of the Ancient One, as silly as it sounded. After all there had been no voice nor apparition, only a feeling.

Shaking the thought from his head, he left the bathroom, nearly running into Karl as he walked down the hall. Stephen put his hand over his mouth, the smell of his sick probably still evident on his breath as he had not washed out his mouth yet, unsure of the quality of water. 

“My mother said you left in a hurry. I know she has that effect on people, but I hope you’re not really ill,” Karl ventured, half joking.

“No, but she makes me nervous. I can’t understand anything that goes on between you two, but that is none of my business right?”

Karl huffed out of amusement before smirking. 

“She’s harmless, spineless really. I guess I should pity her for being so easily manipulated, but she always manages cover it up.”

Although there was humor in his mouth, his eyes only reflected pain. Sara had been right, they couldn’t stay here, not with their complicated relationship. For the first time since they came, he was starting to recognize Karl as a son who, despite his best efforts, could not untie himself from his family.

Stephen knew what he needed to do to clear both of their heads and give them time to think. Only how he would go about doing that was another matter. 

“Ignore it. What are we even doing here Karl?” Stephen asked, a slight edge of panic creeping back into his voice.

“There is no other place to go. I refuse to stay at my grandfather’s estate where we would be easily discovered, and my father’s estate burned down shortly after we moved back to Germany. Where else am I supposed to go? Rachid is welcoming even if he had no idea about my mother’s past. The past few weeks my mother and I have avoided one another, keeping the balance. However, your arrival has infuriated her sensibilities. I must admit, she’s a bit shocked I’ve brought someone like you around.”

Stephen narrowed his eyes trying to figure out what that meant, as it didn’t sound complimentary. Karl took notice of this quickly adding, “I mean a competent, attractive, male sorcerer.” 

Had he not just gone through a truckload of emotions in the past few hours, he might have felt touched by the statement, but he felt nothing at this point. It was like his brain had switched off. There was no room for flirting or joking, just scared numbness. 

“I might go rest for a bit,” Stephen said, passing Karl. 

“It’s the other way,” Karl gently reminded him.

Stephen turned around, and walked down the hall, feeling Karl’s eyes following him. When he finally got to the door of the room and entered, he felt relieved to be alone. Even if he had no plans to nap, at least he could have the emptiness of the room to revel in. For once the quiet was a welcome change.

.oOo.

It took a day or two for Stephen to get the idea, and then another two days to arrange it. All the time, Karl was researching and translating the spell from his spell book, unbeknownst of Stephen’s plan to drag them away from this place. He readied his arguments and the details before he tried to approach Karl with the idea, knowing that he would encounter resistance to some degree. 

To be honest he was also nervous about his plan, and wasn’t quite sure if it were the best idea given all the different factors involved. Since he was still technically attached to Kamar-Taj, he had been informing Wong of his where abouts and what he had been doing; his reports composed of vague, informal messages. Now if he settled in one place too long, he worried that the other master would find out what he was up to, discovering his connection with Karl and Karl’s plan. It was the last thing he needed and the last thing he wanted to think about. He had no idea what Wong might do, but he also knew he didn’t want to find out. Wong had been just as angry at Stephen as Karl had been when he first used the Eye of Agamotto, even if he did approve of his use of it in Hong Kong. Finding out he had agreed to help Karl steal magic, even if it were a lie, would not be welcomed news.

As he made his way down the stairs and into the small little makeshift office Karl had mainly kept himself in, he tried to steady his nerves by telling himself that it would all work out fine. Stephen really wanted to believe it; he needed to believe it.

Knocking, he waited until he was given permission. Karl was hovering over a desk that faced the door. Spread on the small desk were the books they had brought and papers he had never seen. There was a notebook with a pen that lay across it, and he had obviously taken quite a lot of notes over the last few days.

Karl wouldn’t tell him anything about it yet, but it looked complex and not a spell one could master with ease.

“Yes? Do you need something?” Karl asked, looking up from his work.

“Need, no, but I wanted to talk about something.”

“Listen, if this is about my mother…”

Stephen barely managed to keep from rolling his eyes. Karl's family drama was a bit too much for him. He had eased into an understanding that their interactions were mostly composed of passive aggressive declarations and that the other occupants of the house were told that this was normal behavior in German culture, a lie if there ever was one. Instead of questioning Sara, they found it easier to accept this explanation, and Stephen wasn’t about to dissuade them of the notion.

“No. It’s not really about that. Although I guess you could relate it. Anyway, I came to say that I know of a place that we can stay at and you can work in peace, away from all this,” Stephen said gesturing to the rest of the house behind him, before adding, “and the heat.”

They both were suffering in the climate. 

Stephen watched carefully for clues as to what the man was thinking, but for once he was expressionless while considering it. Then he shook his head just ever so slightly, not to say no, but to indicate he was torn by the offer.

“It is a tempting offer. I cannot work fully here without Rachid discovering what it is we do exactly. However, before I commit myself, I need to know more.”

“Of course,” Stephen said nodding.

He had been expecting more of a fight to be honest, but was pleased there wasn’t one. 

“An old coworker of mine has a summer cottage in the North Eastern part of America. She said we can use it for as long as we want, and as long as we don’t make a mess of it.”

Karl narrowed his eyes.

“That sounds too easy.”

“Well I also told her I’d fix some things up, since she doesn’t open the house that often. Since you seem to prefer to work alone, I can do that while you figure things out.”

Stephen didn’t mention any of the other details, like how he pretty much had to beg and she only agreed after he essentially promised her to help on any and all future submissions medical to journals. 

The answer satisfied Karl and he agreed, barely looking up from the books that lay in front of him. Stephen looked down at them. He didn’t understand a word, but he didn’t expect to. Even the man’s notes seemed to be written in several languages. Sanskrit, mixed with what looked like German, English, and one more he couldn’t recognize. It was peculiar and made Stephen think of some of the creative types he once knew ages ago in college. 

After a minute or two, Karl looked up at him, wondering why he was still there. 

“It won’t be ready for a long time. There is not one distinct spell for it. Instead it will need to be made from a few different spells. Tell me Stephen, have you learned a bit about composing incantations?”

“Very little. It was something I only started to do before I left.”

He went quiet, as they both knew that it was not a topic they felt comfortable discussing at this point in time. Stephen could tell Karl was curious, but he wouldn’t prod, unlike the way that he had prodded Karl too much.

“Well, you will learn eventually. I wish it wasn’t like this. If only you hadn’t come to us at such a time. You could have had a proper education, filled with all the fundamentals instead of the bare essentials.”

It made him feel a little tense to hear that, as he knew now how unprepared he had been. After the dust had settled, his sense of relief faded into anxiety about how little he did know. For a few months at the Sanctum, he managed to keep it and himself together, but that was when cracks really started to form. 

“Well, I wasn’t that hopeless. I did have some good teachers,” Stephen responded softly.

Karl’s mouth twisted in a frown.

“You deserved better. We all deserved better. Even I learned the most after I was made a master and thrusted into streets. Unlike you though, I had many a close encounters before I started at Kamar-Taj. I also had a solid background, even if it were taught by a twisted, vengeful man.”

Oh if only Karl could fully understand the humor in his statement. Stephen figured he was probably talking about his grandfather from the past few days they had talked about the books. Although it was never directly stated, it sound like he had a rough time with it all when he was young.

“If you need help, I am here,” Stephen said, looking directly in Karl's eyes.

The air between them seemed to thicken once again, and Karl nodded. 

“We only have each other now, no matter how absurd and scary of a prospect that is. I know you are not well, Stephen, but that is not on you. Perhaps when we go to your country, you may find you do better there. For me though, it will be good to no longer be under the same roof as my mother once again.”

“I know it’s not really my place, but she cares about you.”

His brow crinkled into a scowl.

“You’re right. It’s not your place.”

Silence fell between them as he overstepped his bound. This odd tension between them seemed to wax and wane almost as much as the moon, and Stephen missed his former master at Kamar-Taj when that happened. It wasn’t as if he had completely changed, but these sharp edges that were not there before or at least were hidden, made Stephen question if he really ever knew the man. 

Sighing, Stephen left the room without a word. Only when night fell and he was nearly asleep in his bed did he see Karl again. It was the same routine as before, with Karl casting a soothing spell over him to help him sleep without stirring. It was a wordless exchange and after the first night Karl had taken one of the other guest rooms, so Stephen woke alone. He had been surprisingly disappointed.

When the next morning came, he was woken by Karl abruptly, who informed him that they should go that day if possible. It seemed he was once again agitated by whatever exchange he had with his mother; much like he had been in the previous days. Although Stephen had not talked about it, he anticipated moving quickly, as they both were treated with hostility. Stephen was sure that most of the hostility he received was run off from the sour moods the two were often in. Some of it was also due to the fact that Karl’s mother assumed they were lovers and not whatever they actually were.

Wishing it were different, but accepting reality, he was ready anytime Karl was. Except for the clothes on his back, and items on his person, he had no possessions. It was easy for him to move, and he told Karl he would wait for him. 

What he didn’t expect was the visit from Karl’s mother. She knocked, but entered before he could respond. They had seen each other a few times over the past few days. They rarely spoke, and when they did, she didn’t say a kind word to him after that day at the breakfast table. She had made her point known, and that was that.

Closing the door behind her, she stood by it with her hand on the doorknob, and he noticed something that he hadn’t before. She was scared. Her hand trembled almost as much as his did. Even if her hand did not jiggle the doorknob too much, he could hear it acutely. 

With all the haughty bravado of the days before, he assumed she had just been snobbish, and although she obviously disliked him, he figured out there was an underlying fear there as well. Some of the things started to make sense from that moment. Guessing, he tried to piece together the information that he did have. 

Before he could delve to deeply in his character study of the woman who stood before him, she spoke.

“I came to thank you. It seems he listens to you somewhat. He’s stubborn like his grandfather, but I hope that he can retain some humanity. Take him far and try to prevent him from coming back. But if he must come back for whatever reason, at least keep him from coming alone.”

That was a surprising plea, and he wondered if there was a hidden blessing cloaked underneath. Everything he had thought he knew was turning out to be more opinions tainted by experiences. He had taken Karl for his word, and not looked deeper for himself. He felt a bit foolish, as he had often questioned all the people around him, but for some reason he always implicitly trusted Karl. 

In that moment he knew he was hearing a mother’s plea. She might have sucked at being a mother, and may have had a hand in Karl’s father's death, but the plea he was hearing now was out of love. Even he had to recognize that, and it made him realize that he had heard a different plea that contained the same tone before. 

The night the Ancient One had died, she had used the same voice of worry and concern. At the time the way she spoke about Karl, he thought she had given up on trying to make him see, but now he knew she was telling him because she believed he could help Karl. It struck him how close they must have been. 

“I hope I can help him,” Stephen finally responded after some thought. “I can’t promise that he will be okay, but I will try to help him.”

She looked at him with some suspicion, as if she couldn’t believe him totally. Then she left without another word exchanged between them, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t want to stay in the middle of whatever family drama that had been going on between all of them; it was exhausting and made him feel as though he was standing on the tip of a knife. 

After about an hour or so Karl came back to his room, knocking and waiting for Stephen to answer. He had the same bag with him that he had before and motioned for Stephen to come. 

As Stephen followed him, he felt a little relieved that they would be going. Without so much as a goodbye, Karl led them out into the quiet alleyway outside of the house, looking around to make sure it was okay. Motioning to Stephen to go, Stehen made a portal and they stepped through it.

.oOo.

Stepping out of a portal, Stephen and Karl approached the cottage located two blocks from the beach. Stephen went round the back where Christine told him there would be a key between the third and fourth brick of the right side of the fire pit. Sure enough it was easy to find, and they were inside the house in no time. 

It looked like a fairly typical, quaint summer home, although it was dark and dusty from how much time it had been empty. Stephen had been once before, a long time ago, and the walls held a few memories. He knew that it was something she had inherited from a great aunt or some such relation, and it looked like it with all the afghans that were strewn about the place, many with holes from age. 

Looking over at Karl, he had a bit of an uncomfortable, grave expression plastered on his face, and it made Stephen nervous. Wondering if the man would change his mind, Stephen quickly went to show him upstairs, so he wouldn’t focus too much on the framed pictures of animals that decorated the yellowed walls. It was very different from every place they had been together; a true piece of Americana that was frozen in time.

“People in this country live like this?” 

Stephen was pretty sure it was more of a rhetorical question rather than a direct one. Ignoring it, they got to the top of the stairs and stopped for a second. Stephen felt nervous at what he was about to say. He wasn’t as forceful with his suggestions as Karl was. 

“The main bedroom is here, and the bathroom is at the end of the hall. There is a spare bedroom for you,” He said pointing to the door on his right. 

Karl opened it to reveal a clean New England styled room, dulled by age. It was they type of thing people could see in movies about fishmen or spreads in old Life Magazines featuring the Kennedy family. The kind of thing that his mother would have found to be charming. 

“If you want the room,” Stephen added after a moment, distracted by their surroundings.

Stephen stood in front of him in the hallway as Karl leaned against the door frame of the second bedroom. His mouth was slightly parted as they stood facing each other, the air crisp with tension. Ever since the words left his mouth, he wanted to take it back, but he knew it was something they both wanted. They both wanted this for the longest time and they had just been playing up until this point. In the corridor in Kamar-Taj, and the day after they had arrived in Spain, those moments were always with him. The faint memories of those slight touches seemed to always be lurking in the back of his mind as he interacted with Karl. Stephen didn’t understand why Karl hadn’t attempted anything else after that morning, but he knew that he was being held back by fear: the fear of driving Karl further away from him and even driving Karl away from being who Karl truly was. Stephen knew Karl Mordo was a good person deep down inside, twisted by disappointments and confusion. 

As they stood there, some small part of him felt as if he were looming over Karl, even if he was only a few inches taller. If it weren’t for his steady gaze, there was almost something vulnerable to the way the he leaned against that frame of the door, as if he were weak in the knees.

Stephen was practically on top of the man salivating at this point from the meal that lay before him.

“You are impossible.”

“Come on Karl. We've been doing this for way too long. You’ve felt it and denied it, and we always come back to this. You know we always do.”

“In moments of weakness I may have given you this impression, but it’s a fool's wish. We have things to do.”

“Are you telling me you’ve been celibate the entire time you’ve been at Kamar-Taj because you had things to do?” Stephen asked, a haughty note slipping into his voice, as he knew it to be a lie. 

“Don’t be absurd. It’s because I haven’t been celibate that I know this is a bad idea.”

Karl suddenly turned his gaze away; anger flashing in the glimpse that Stephen did catch. It wasn’t as though he was angry at Stephen. No, he knew that Karl was angry at himself, but he didn’t know the reason why. It crossed his mind that he may never find out.

Gambling, he raised his hand to Karl’s cheek, his unsteady thumb stroking the flesh. Karl didn’t even move. Despite his protest, he stood there and closed his eyes, seemingly intoxicated by Stephen’s touch. The lack of physical touch must have been longer for Karl than it had been for Stephen, although it was hard to believe. To Stephen this man could have everything he wanted and more. Why did he want to to torture himself and forbid himself from indulging in life’s pleasures?

He leaned forward ever so slightly, so that his mouth would meet Karl’s. Only Karl met him first. 

Groaning into the sloppy, uninhibited kiss, Stephen pressed himself against the slightly shorter, sturdier man. It felt like fireworks exploding, as cliched as it sounded, and it felt right and good. It overloaded his brain, and all he could think about was having more of Karl, intoxicated by an overpowering force of passion. 

Eventually Karl pushed him away, taking his bag and putting it in the larger bedroom. That settled everything, and when he came out, he passed Stephen, ignoring him standing slack jawed in the middle of the hallway. Obviously he needed time, but he also was not protesting anymore. It was good. It was the farthest thing away from being a bad thing at the moment; it gave Stephen the courage to hope that things could turn around. 

Off in the distance he heard the door close, and breathed a sigh of relief. Had Karl left with his bags, he would worry, but knowing that he would never abandoned the texts, Stephen knew he would come back. It wasn’t as if there was much in the residential neighborhood, and he would be back before long. Yet Stephen was nervous; there was always this undercurrent of fear that things would not work out. The fear of failure and suspense of what was next gnawed at him. 

Trying to settle his nerves, he unpacked the few things he had taken with him and headed back downstairs into the living room and then out onto the porch, leaving the door open to air out the house the best he could. He looked around at the quiet houses that surrounded the one he was in. His memory of the place was murky at best, as the last time he had come they had been very busy with other things and he paid very little attention to the environment. Now as he looked around, it reminded him a bit of the stillness of his hometown. The air and smells were drastically different. The houses with their Victorian and Edwardian flourishes in their architecture were also different, but the underlying atmosphere, small town feel permeated every little object within viewing distance. 

He watched for a good while, seeing if he could see Karl coming back, but eventually gave up. Wherever the other sorcerer went, it would have to remain a mystery for the time being. 

Stephen went back inside and sat down on the worn sofa, turning his thoughts on how to he was going to get Karl to change his mind about how to ‘fix’ things. Karl was obsessed with the spells needed, having spent the last few days holed up with his materials. As far as Stephen knew, he still needed to finish the translations and then figure out how to modify the spells to work together. Karl had explained to it previously, and although he had some knowledge about spell building, it was at a rudimentary level. 

Then there was that kiss up in the hallway at the landing, which would complicate things. It might even cause a setback in convincing Karl to give up on his plan. He knew it, but still he pressed forward not being able to help himself. It wasn’t like Karl had protested. Despite his half-hearted grumblings, in the end it had been Karl who kissed him. 

Lost in thought, he didn’t even hear the door open and close again. Even though the screen loudly banged against the wood of the porch, it wasn’t enough to draw him from examining his hopes and worries. Only when Karl stood in front of him, his expression as anxious as what was in Stephen’s heart, did he know the man had come back. 

“First, this will not affect our work. Second, do not expect anything from me beyond the physical. Third,” he paused, trying to remember what he was going to say, “stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m still your instructor. Don’t you have anything better to do? Why are you waiting around here in the dark.”

Stephen smirked sadly. Karl was more nervous than he was about the whole damn thing, and he was pretty nervous at this point. It wasn’t something new, as he had dated coworkers, subordinates, and superiors before, but the stakes had never been this high. He had never been so co-dependent on an another person in his whole life. Even when Christine had helped him after his surgery, it was never to this degree of a mutual dependency. She never needed him and maybe Karl didn’t either, but if that were the case why was Stephen still there?

“I was thinking about the same things,” Stephen replied quietly. 

“Do you only grow some sense after you jump head first into something?” Karl said, a note of amusement with the exasperation in his voice. 

“Yes. It’s the only way to really live,” Stephen joked. 

And Karl smiled at that. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he couldn’t, and it made Stephen feel heavier with thick affection suffocating him. Most people found his humor off, but Karl just got him. 

These little cracks of the man he knew when he first came to Kamar-Taj gave Stephen hope for them and for Karl. It seemed that both of them needed one another to begin to fix the things that had gone wrong within themselves. 

It wasn’t always comfortable. There was always tension there, threatening to spill over and complicate these times they came to an understanding.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Stephen asked. 

“Yes, but I am also tired.”

“Where did you go when you went out?” Stephen inquired, getting up from his seat to head towards the kitchen.

Although they had no fresh food, he was pretty sure Christine kept dried and canned goods in the pantry. Although he went in the kitchen, he had expected Karl to follow him, but he didn’t. There was no answer from the other room either. Stephen ignored it, knowing that the man was probably used to his privacy. Like Stephen, even when he interacted with others, at the end of the day they were by themselves. They were born into the world alone and they would die alone, so Stephen accepted this as the default. 

In silence, he prepared a meal that would make his mother proud, but something that his former self would turn his nose up at- Tuna noodle dish made with canned soup, canned peas, canned tuna, and pasta. All and all it turned out well, even if it was slightly outdated and probably not as good as he remembered. 

When he went back into the living room, he found Karl asleep on the sofa in a sitting position with his legs curled tightly against him. He wasn’t kidding that he had been tired, as when Stephen gently put a hand on his shoulder he didn’t even stir. Stephen hesitated to truly wake him, instead settling to eating alone at the table in the small dining room off to the kitchen. He had been right. The dish wasn’t as good as he remembered, but it was satisfying to have a hot meal after a long day. 

After doing the dishes and putting the remainder away in the fridge, Stephen went back into the living room to find Karl still asleep. He stood over the man, who slept with a rather angelic expression plastered on his face, mouth slightly parted, and brow smoothed. 

Throwing one of the afghans over the man, Stephen then decided that he would retire as well. Although they had talked about sharing a room, it seemed that that would have to wait. He wasn’t about to wake Karl, who obviously needed sleep as badly as Stephen needed it. 

However, Stephen wasn’t able to sleep soundly. It wasn’t one of the nightmares where he woke up screaming, but one of the ones where he couldn’t scream. Instead he jumped out of the bed as if he were ready to flee or fight. This had happened numerous times before, and when he was able to gain his wits about him once again, he relaxed a little. He was still in Maine and still safe. 

Deciding to go check on Karl, he went down the stairs but found the man gone. It was a surprise. Looking around, he hoped that the man hadn’t gone for good. As he was about to go upstairs to check the extra bedroom, he saw the screen door to the porch slightly ajar. Opening it, he found Karl sitting outside looking at the stars. After a few seconds and a creak of one of the boards under Stephen’s feet, Karl turned his attention to Stephen. Stephen took a seat next to Karl. He also choose to look up into the sky, relieved that Karl was still in the house. In the back of his mind he had been concerned that the man would just up and leave like he did that night in Hong Kong.

“Nightmares?” Karl asked quietly.

“You know how it goes.”

“Are you ever without nightmares?”

Stephen shook his head, “Only those nights you used a spell.”

“You have to learn to exercise your demons then.”

It sounded so easy, and if only Stephen knew how. It wasn’t the first time in his life he suffered from chronic nightmares, but all those other times he was a doctor and normally exhausted himself until they went away. Now it was a little more difficult, and for some reason these nightmares always seemed much more real. It was almost like the magic inside him intertwined with the images, making everything feel as though he were caught in an alternative dimension.

“I am trying,” Stephen answered.

“I know,” Karl responded softly, standing up.

For a minute, Stephen thought the man was going to go upstairs or off of the porch. Instead, he climbed into Stephen’s lap before his soft mouth was once again upon Stephen’s. Not knowing why, or caring what prompted it, Stephen gave in easily. Disregarding earlier in the day, it had been so long since he had someone pressed against him in lust. They had wanted this, and finally something was happening beyond the small touches and stolen glances that seemed to have gone on for ages. The passion that always seemed to seep into their interactions was brought to the forefront, and he felt as if they were devouring each other. Only something inside him didn’t feel right, and he nudged Karl off rather roughly. He felt the familiar surge of panic rise up within him, and put the back of his hand up against his mouth as he shut his eyes for a moment. 

When he opened his eyes again, Karl knelt before him, his eyes studying Stephen’s face.

“What the hell was that?”

“Too close,” Stephen finally said, frustrated that the words had come much later than his actions, “I don’t know, but you were too close.”

“You wanted this, Stephen. You’re the one who made the first move,” Karl reminded him.

“I know! I know that. It’s nothing to do with you.”

There was a bite to his statement that he hadn’t meant.

Sighing, Karl rose to his feet, looking disappointed but also sympathetic. Expecting Karl to press further, Stephen was surprised when he didn’t. He wanted to explain, but the words caught in his throat. 

“Are we just going to keep doing this? It’s exhausting me already and it’s only been roughly a week.”

Stephen hummed, also disappointed by it all.

“Let me lead. I think I just need the control,” Stephen protested.

“Strange,” Karl began, shaking his head, “Stephen, you need help. I know what this is. I am not a fool, and you are not the first sorcerer that this has happened to. You have been pushed too fast and too far for the sake of an end result.”

Stephen sighed heavily. Word for word it was almost the same thing Wong had said to him when they parted. 

Stephen stood up, his face close to Karl’s, and the other sorcerer turned to leave. Stephen grasped at his wrist. It felt like he was leaving again when things were getting tough. 

“Don’t leave. Don’t leave me.”

Looking at Stephen as if he had three heads, Karl stopped. 

“I’m not going to leave you. I am only going to bed. Come on, I’ll help you fall asleep.”

Reluctantly he let go and followed Karl upstairs. Stripping down to their underwear, Stephen got into the bed first, and Karl helped him fall asleep once again. 

They didn’t try anything afterward, instead falling into a routine of Karl spending his time in the spare bedroom going through all of his books and notes, with Stephen sprucing up the property. Both of them were on edge from various problems that lay between them, and avoided one another outside of the bedroom at night. Stephen played at being house maker, taking on the task of cooking and cleaning, and although they had not discussed it, Karl often slid him money to pay for the groceries. It was if he had a six sense that Stephen had very little to his name at this point.

As Stephen sat on the porch late one evening contemplating it all, he felt a great many things. He had come to a point where he didn’t know if he would ever get better. The added weight of not being able to communicate with Karl effectively had brought him to the lowest point since the immediate aftermath of his car accident. For some reason, all the difficulties at the New York Sanctum and even being told to take a leave of absence, had not brought him as low as this. Maybe it was a delayed reaction, but he wasn’t sure.

He turned slightly when he heard the screen door open. Karl came in and sat next to him, stretching his legs out. 

“It's not progressing as I had hoped,” Karl sighed.

Stephen was glad to hear it, but kept his expression as neutral as possible. 

“It very rarely goes the way we want it.”

Karl smiled at him, bending over to stretch out his arms and lower back, reminding Stephen of a cat. He was so flexible as he had proven all those many moons ago in the courtyard at Kamar-Taj. There had always been a natural grace in his movements; a striking sight that Stephen couldn’t help but admire. 

A glint of humor in Karl’s eyes also struck him, and he felt the air becoming thicker, coating the inside of his lungs and weighing him down. 

“Maybe it can’t be done,” Stephen ventured carefully.

“But it has been done before. You have no idea, but I have seen it before with my own eyes. The world is not as it is in Kamar-Taj, and I have no idea what you have encountered after I left, but there are many who dabble in other practices. There are magic we do not teach or talk about.”

Stephen knew this. He had met some of the others who practiced magics that were not available to him. 

“I have met some, although most were allies, some were not friendly. Then there were the others.” Stephen took a deep breath, before continuing. “The other entities. Those who manipulated reality to suit their goal. Even some that just did it for fun.”

Karl nodded, understanding. Of course he would know more about it than Stephen, and Karl put his hand on Stephen’s legs for support. 

“I think that’s why I pushed you off a few nights ago. I want you, I want this, but…”

Shaking his hands in pain after he had clinched them a little too tightly moments before, Stephen put his head down partially in shame. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to do this ever again, but here he was bearing pieces of himself that he wanted to remain buried. Karl waited patiently, his hand never moving, never increasing or decreasing in its pressure; comforting and irritating him at the same time.

“Damn it,” Stephen gritted out.

“Shh. Don’t push it.” 

“I didn’t think it would be this hard. I didn’t think that after Dormammu it would still feel like I was dying over and over again.”

He had been alive for a little bit. Now that everything had been taken from him, he once again was thrusted into darkness. It was his fate. 

“I can’t help you, Stephen.”

Trying to force back the tears, he brought the back of his hand up to his eyes to wipe away the little moisture that gathered at his bottom lashes. 

Trying to steady his voice he spoke, “You’ve helped me more than others. I am grateful, truly.”

“Who are you? I highly doubt you’re Stephen Strange, the man with the flippant attitude that I had brought into Kamar-Taj,” Karl responded in kind jest.

Karl put Stephen’s face in his hands and guided it upward so the two could look at one another. His sad smile and sympathetic eyes made Stephen feel better, but also a little sheepish about the whole thing. Only a few people in his life had seen him like this. How could Karl be so distant one minute, then so empathetic and loving the next minute? It seemed that he was also fighting a battle within himself, albeit a much different one. 

Karl then leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Stephen’s mouth, ever so gently. It was chaste and quick, his lips slowly pulling away from Stephen’s. Only Karl didn’t stop when he leaned back, instead leaning far enough so that he was resting against the armrest of the wicker loveseat. There was no mistaking his invitation and even though a lump caught in Stephen’s throat, he wanted this more than any of the fears that surrounded him.

“You told me you wanted to lead. Not a line I would use in the future, but effective.” 

It was all Stephen needed to hear to snap him out of the trance he had been under. 

The atmosphere still had the emotional charge that it had before, but now it was tinged with the heady desire that frequently invaded their exchanges. It should have been expected, but always it took Stephen by surprise how it all seemed to intertwine. 

When their lips met once again, it felt overpowering. It was mind boggling how often they were drawn to one another, eventually ending up in these types of positions. They were like a moth and a flame, only Stephen wasn’t sure who was the moth and who was the flame. Destructive, romantic, utterly obsessed, and not only did their emotions reflect it, but their bodies seemed to confirm the ideas. Hands were everywhere, and although it hurt Stephen at times, it was never enough to override the desire that had been pent up for so long. 

As Karl removed Stephen’s shirt and tossed it to the side, they stopped. Their fervor from before seemed to be slowly dissipating, and they spent a few minutes looking at one another. Stephen bit his lip, wondering how far they should go, at least for the evening. It wasn’t as if they didn’t have some time, and even though part of him wanted everything from Karl, the logical part of him knew that it was too fast. Although he had lived his life in the fast lane before, this was different. This was something there was no ignoring or turning back from. 

A hand came up to his chest; Karl’s eyes followed the circles that his finger traced into the skin.

“Second thoughts?” Stephen asked, his voice thick with emotion. 

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Aren’t you in charge anyways?” 

There was a teasing tone to his voice. Stephen wanted to continue, but not on the porch, especially since if someone came close to enough they could see both of them easily. Even if he didn’t mind an occasional exhibitionist escapade, this was private. 

Stephen got up, and helped Karl to his feet. Karl stretched once again, as it seemed that the arm of the seat had dug into his back a little too long. 

Leaning in, he kissed Karl, and the man pliantly conformed to Stephen’s embrace. They fit together; it was something they always had done. Whatever Stephen lacked Karl had, and whatever Karl lacked Stephen had. 

Reluctantly pulling away, he grasped Karl’s hand to make their way upstairs to bed. They didn’t do much else for the evening, as they both seemed to have lost their nerve, but it was okay. All Stephen really wanted was to be held as Karl helped him fall off the sleep. 

The next day when Stephen woke, it went back to the the way it was the previous day. Karl was busy doing what he normally did, and Stephen went his own way. Only things were a little different from the days before. Stephen began to realize that whatever he had going on was something that neither one of them were equipped to handle. Yet he still couldn’t bring himself to begin to sort through his own crap. Instead he tried to focus on the small things he thought he could change easily, and it began with a walk. 

It wasn’t a walk to anywhere special. He took a turn on the beach before walking quite a few block to the corner store that he would frequent for the food they needed. His thoughts turned to more carnal desires as he walked the cramped aisles, knowing the eventually Karl and him would go beyond kisses and caresses sooner rather than later.

Picking up most of the things he needed, he was about to leave when something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. It was a flyer, innocuous looking at first glance. On closer inspection, he noticed it was not for selling something, or soliciting help like the other ones. This one was coded in such a way that Stephen knew that the poster was a practitioner of magic, looking for others of a similar ilk. It was actually more common than he would have guess, as it seemed all towns had one or two. 

Discretely he took the ad down, and decided that he would eventually inquire about it. 

As he walked back to the cottage, he debated whether to tell Karl or not. It wasn’t as if it was pertinent to both of them, rather just Stephen satisfying his curious nature. To be honest he didn’t even know what it was about. It wasn’t like they were about to broadcast that they were sorcerers amongst the people in this small tourist based down. 

Stephen missed magic and that is what it boiled down to. Although he did practice some magic, it wasn’t the same. He missed his books, the place he now thought of as  _ his _ sanctum, and the sense of awe he once felt. It bothered him that he seemed to have lost everything. At the same time, he started to realize how easy it was to become lost like Karl. He was slowly slipping down that path, even if he still knew right from wrong.

When he did get back to the house, he walked into the kitchen to find Karl standing in front of the refrigerator, eating a cold noodle salad Stephen had made the night before straight from the bowl. Obviously the man was not expecting him to return so soon, as he normally tried to do things properly, including setting the table for his three meals a day. Stephen smiled wide at his catch. It was the first time to see him so unguarded. 

“Good?”

“It’s edible. Where were you?”

Stephen pointed down to his bag of groceries, and Karl put the empty bowl in the sink. 

“I’m making some progress today,” Karl stated. 

Stephen’s heart sank at the news. Although he had been having a fine day up until that point, his mood quickly turned sour, knowing that he still had yet to breach the subject with Karl. He needed to change Karl’s mind sooner rather than later. It wasn’t going to be easy, as the Ancient One had said, he was rigid and unbending. Stephen knew though that Karl would listen to reason if presented with a clear case. It was all he could do. 

“That’s good. So you’re close?” Stephen prodded.

“Unfortunately not. It’s not as simple as composing something like that salad. One cannot just mix various things together and hope for the best.” 

Stephen nodded, feeling a bit relieved by the news. The more time he had, the better.

After a few minutes spent in silence, Karl left the room, probably to go back into what he now had transformed into a makeshift office. Stephen sat at the table for a while contemplating what he should do before eventually giving up, not knowing how to approach the topic. He continued on as if Karl had said nothing earlier in the day, eventually returning to their bedroom to put the brown bag on the night stand. He would bring up its contents later, but for now he’d leave it be. It wasn’t as though he was expecting anything, as they were trapped in a tug of war of deciding whether or not they wanted to possibly drive away the other person. The question always loomed over their conversations and interactions. 

Going back down the stairs, Stephen was surprised when the house phone started to ring. Hesitating, he picked up the one in the living room.

“Palmer residence.”

He hoped it was a telemarketer or someone who would go away with little protest or question. 

“Stephen. It’s me. I’m coming up next week, and need you to prepare the extra bedroom. I have a week and a half off, and you can continue to stay, but you’ll have to share.”

He closed his eyes for a second, internally groaning. He hadn’t told her about Karl staying with him, and he really didn’t need too many questions to be asked. Even if Christine didn’t mind, things would be complicated with Karl’s ‘work’. 

“Yea, okay. Look Christine. I really appreciate what you’re doing,” he began.

He heard a page over the intercom in the background for Dr.Palmer.

“Great! See you next Tuesday,” she said, hanging up the phone before he got a chance to finish. 

Another thing for him to add to the list of tasks he had to accomplish. Also he would have to inform Karl, which would probably be easier than it had been to convince the man to come to the cottage in the first place. 

A few minutes later Karl came down stairs to enquire after the phone call as they had never had any callers or visitors since they had come to the cottage. Stephen told him about the conversation, and he didn’t seem too phased by it. He almost looked curious about Christine, and although Stephen thought he would ask questions, he did not. Maybe he didn’t think it was his place, as he had felt that Stephen’s questions about his family had been intrusive. 

Stephen wished that they would skip these parts, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to open up and he knew Karl was exactly the same as him. Even as they sat in close proximity, taking a break from the midday heat, they couldn’t begin to share. Something would eventually give, as it had the night before, but those instances were rare, and for some reason seemed to happen mainly at night. It seemed safer in the dark for some reason. 

If only he could rip his heart out to stop the constant feeling of being on edge, not knowing whether to push Karl away or drag him closer. Madness was overtaking Stephen, and he didn’t actually care too much. 

So they parted without a word once again, only coming together at night in the safety of darkness. The dull yellow tinged lights of the house illuminating their dinner table and when they were finished, the same glow fell upon the porch they sat in. The cool breeze of night was welcomed after the heat of midday. It was much better than New York or Spain, but it was still summer and much hotter than Nepal or Central Europe. 

Silence fell between them; it was comforting rather than the nerve wracking silence of the day time. It almost felt like he was a teenager again, enjoying an evening as they listened to faint noises off in the distance. Instead of the hum of machinery, it was passersby who were out for an evening walk. Families, couples, a few people with dogs, an occasional solo walker or runner provided white noise for them. 

Eventually Karl slid next to him, and leaned against him with a sigh. Every day seemed to contain multiple surprises for the two of them. Carefully Stephen wrapped his arm around the other man, stroking Karl’s shoulder after he did so. 

“How did we get to this point?” Karl murmured, barely audible to Stephen’s excellent hearing.

“It’s been an odd journey.”

“This is the first time in my life I have not had anyone expect anything from me. Sometimes I have to ask myself what you want from me, so that I can just give it to you and get it over with.”

Stephen rested his head against the top of Karl’s. It wasn’t something that he expected to hear, and he thought about what he wanted from Karl.

“I only want you to be okay,” Stephen replied softly.

Karl pulled away slightly to look at Stephen, not expecting that answer. 

“I want the same for you.”

Only Karl didn’t know that Karl was not okay, while Stephen knew that he had a lot of things to work through. 

“I know.”

Karl leaned back into Stephen, and they sat on the porch like that for a good long while without saying anymore. For all the problems they had, they at least had a common goal, and for some reason Stephen felt okay with that. It was the thing they could both fight for together.

.oOo.

The thought of Karl wanting him to be okay stayed with him for days. He wanted the same, but he didn’t even know where to begin. When he tried to bring this up and ask the other sorcerer, he only got a sheepish non-response. In spite of all the insistence that Stephen was not the first sorcerer that had experienced whatever he was going through, he had no suggestions as to what to do. It was not normally dealt with the other man had confessed. 

He was starting to feel trapped by his own mind and his own feelings, even if he still had some ups in his life, it was getting more and more difficult to hold on to those feelings longer. 

The only time he truly felt free and alive was when they were kissing, touching, fucking. All the other times there was the constant buzz of stress underlying every thought and action. Anxiety that just would not go away. The longer he tried to suppress it, the harder it rose to the foreground later on. 

He had nearly given up when something told him to check the paper that he had gotten from the local store. If Karl didn’t know, then maybe another sorcerer would. Not wanting to risk tipping off anyone he knew, he figured it would be worth it to see if the local sorcerer would know anyone who could help him. 

He even felt like if he had some sort of ally, it could be more bearable, at least until the point where he could find some help.

When he approached the house that he was sure the flyer came from, it looked like all the others. There was nothing special about it, not like the sanctum. It was only when he approached it did it feel different. Normal people would never notice the subtle change in the atmosphere, but he could with ease. Stephen knew that a sorcerer lived there, that was until the door opened to reveal a sorceress. 

She was an older woman, and she didn’t look local judging by the style of her dress. Most others looked like they had stepped out of the L.L.Bean catalogue, but she was wearing brightly colored patterns. 

His suspicions were confirmed the minute she opened her mouth, but he couldn't place her accent. It was most definitely not from an English speaking country, and really he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was, but he couldn't help but wonder why any immigrant would want to live in such a small town with probably very few other immigrants in the area. 

”Stephen Strange,” She remarked before he could even open his mouth.

“Yea, how did you know?”

She shook her head, as if she were disappointed in him and motioned for him to come in. 

When he stepped inside, her house looked plain. It was actually surprising how much it reminded him of his parents home when they were alive. The nicknacks and coloring reminded him of his mother's sewing room, and the kitchen had the same disgusting linoleum floor. As he crossed to sit down at the table, he noticed a pile of generic entertainment magazines and teapot that smelled suspiciously of coffee.

“They don't teach you anything at Kamar-Taj anymore do they?” 

The way she said it made him question whether she had actually been to Kamar-Taj, but she obviously knew enough about it. 

“You’ve come for this.” 

It was all confusing. 

She rolled her eyes, “Stop that. I was shown why you are here. There are ways to see the future, even if most visions don’t come to pass. That is the problem with you practitioners from Asia. You think everything is about disciplining yourself. There is a reason they call it the mystic  _ arts _ , you know.”

She scoffed as she shuffled to the other side of the kitchen.

“Now, where is it?” She asked, fishing around in a box that had been placed in a drawer.

“I’m sorry. I never got your name.”

“Don’t act like you actually care, or will come back. Your time will be better spent with him anyways.”

For a minute his heart stopped, thinking that she knew about Karl. If she had the power to see, then maybe she knew what they were doing here. He became worried, until she handed him a card. On the card was a name, number and address, quite far away from where they were. He gasped when he read the name- Jericho Drumm. Something in his gut told him this was someone related to Daniel.

“He’s a practitioner of a mystical art, and an accredited psychologist,” She explained, before continuing, “I already told him you would go.”

Stephen sat in stunned silence. It was hard to believe that this was happening. It didn't feel like reality. The only reason he did know that it was real, was because of his chronic nightmares. This was nothing like a nightmare, but still a very surreal experience.

“Now off you go. It’s nearly time for my show. Also, you should probably get back to your partner shouldn’t you? Give my regards to Jericho.”

Still trying to process it all, he found himself outside of her door rather quickly with his paper in hand. It was peculiar, but he guessed that he was grateful for the help. He had never met someone like that before, and especially not a seer like that. In the back of his mind, he knew they existed, as the Ancient One had talked about seeing his future, but this was the first time he had met a non-Sorcerer Supreme talking about it. 

Wondering if it were possible to learn such things, he began to walk back to the house. The distant sounds of families at the beach filled the air, but his own head was filled with the sorceress’ words to him. 

He was going to get some help finally, but it felt scarier than he thought it would. Maybe because he was the last one to see Daniel, and if this person was indeed a relative of Master Drumm, it would not be a comfortable meeting. For some reason, she seemed to neglect to foresee that possibility. 

His feet really should have taken him back to the house, but instead they led him down a path to where the sand of the nearby beach met the wild grass. A few feet away were some benches, and he decided to sit. 

Sitting until the sun started to set, he replayed all the events that had led him to this point, and he only noticed the evening chill when the sun was almost down. Before he could bring himself to move, there was a hand on his shoulder.

He half expected the woman to be there, but when he looked up it was Karl, who looked practically frantic with worry.

“What are you doing here?”

Stephen quickly shoved the paper he had been holding into his pocket, flinching when the pain in his hands flared up. 

“Thinking.”

“You were gone for hours and hours,” a note of irritation in his voice.

“You were worried?”

“Yes. And then to find you here.”

For a moment, he didn’t understand the connection, but then he put two and two together.

“I have things to live for. I just am having trouble with sleeping.”

Karl looked at him not believing, and he knew it was because it was unbelievable. Even he knew it was not just nightmares. When reality had been broken that day, it was a lot more than nightmares, but he hadn’t had something like  _ that _ happen since he left Kamar-Taj.

Karl sat down next to him on the bench as the last rays of the sun were being snuffed out, and the moonlight started to take over. The sounds of families were gone, and only the occasional sounds of couples or people with dogs were faintly audible. They had some privacy up on the small bank of sand. 

Stephen made his move, putting his head upon the other man’s shoulder despite the awkward angle of it. He needed this. Part of him recognized it as a distraction, and the other part knew because it was the only thing that made him happy these days. It was the only thing that was not made complex by other elements. For a moment he could forget. 

He hoped Karl felt the same.

Fingers ran through the hair at the side of his head, and felt comforting to both parties. The way that the man was breathing tipped Stephen off to how nervous he must have been while searching for Stephen, probably believing the worst. Something inside him wondered if he really appeared to be that badly off. 

“I will be okay,” He reassured Karl.

It was a little funny to him, because Karl had no idea how much Stephen worried about him and his crusade.

“Just don’t disappear, please. Don’t do that to me.”

“No, I won’t. Don’t walk away from me either. Even if I am not the best at this kind of thing.”

“This is unfamiliar to me as well.”

That was all they needed to say to one another.

After a few minutes, Karl suddenly started laughing a deep laugh filled with warmth.

“What a pair we make,” he mused, “Here I am trying to figure out how to have a relationship at my age.”

Stephen smiled at that, not feeling the need to add the obvious ‘me too’ that went with it. The fates were cruel, but with occasional moments of kindness. 

Removing his head from Karl’s shoulder, he stretched his neck out, obviously sore from the awkward position that it had been in.  

Getting up, he helped Karl to his feet, only he lost his footing in the slippery sand. Stephen barely caught him, helping him to balance and pressing him close as he caught him with his forearms rather than his hands. Taking in the sight, sounds, and smells of the beach, they embraced- Karl kissed him with the same fervor that he had that first night. It felt more correct than anything Stephen had done that day, and he just wanted the moment to last forever. It always felt like that when they were together these days, even when they weren't kissing or doing other things. Sometimes he even forgot why they were in Maine. 

When they pulled apart, Karl looked into his eyes.

“Fuck it,” Stephen murmured, “Let’s just stay here forever, open a coffee shop or something and let the world burn around us.”

Karl laughed, pulling away, but grasping Stephen’s shoulder in an affectionate way. His smile still brilliantly shone underneath the faint light that fell upon their path.

“Let’s just go make some dinner and spend a quiet evening together. When you’re feeling better tomorrow, we can plan for the future.”

There was a free jovialness and compassion in his voice that made Stephen warm. As they walked back, Stephen boldly grabbed at Karl’s arm. 

Things changed ever so slightly, and he could tell that there was a lull in their affection as their conversation had stopped. Karl cleared his throat as if he had something to say.

“Your friend called while you were out. She wouldn’t stop calling, so I picked it up. She said she will be here tomorrow after lunch.”

Stephen nodded. It was a long trip from New York if one was driving. He took in a deep breath before he stopped walking, looking at Karl seriously.

“She’s my friend, but our history is a bit complicated.”

“She’s the one who gave you that watch. I know Stephen, I have a good memory, and I put two and two together. I also know that if there were anything left between the two of you, you would have never come to Kamar-Taj. It’s the way of things. You seem to forget I have taught many with as tragic histories as yours, if not more tragic.”

Stephen urged them to continue walking, his heart a little lighter than before. No questions came, nor any challenges to the sincerity of his affections. He had been with others before that would not have accepted such an answer, and sometimes he had others run the other way when they found out he wasn’t ‘picking a team’ as one of his exes put it. 

Really at this point in his life, he couldn’t fathom such mentalities.

As they arrived at the house, everything was quiet, even the joggers had gone in for the night. The porch light shined out, illuminating the street, and moths clung to the screen trying to get closer to the source of the yellowed glow. For a moment, he understood why that sorceress had settled here. His heart and mind felt unburdened for a while by the lazy scene, and even Karl, who truly was like a fish out of water, didn’t seemed bothered by it at all. There had been more tension coming from him in Europe than now. Sure, they kept to themselves in America, which probably helped, but something about it was different. 

“Well? Come on, I haven’t quite figured out where everything is. Tonight I’ll make you something though,” Karl called to him.

He smirked sadly at that. He didn’t mind making food, but he had a feeling Karl was getting pretty sick of the amount of salads that Stephen had been forcing him to eat- a habit left over from his youth where he mother would complain about the heat and not want to make anything too fancy. Summer was time for salads.

What he didn’t expect was that it would take three hours and Karl cooking practically a full course meal. When they sat down, it felt special, almost like a date with all the food, the low lighting, and the few candles that Stephen had lit to add brightness.

As he started to eat some of the vegetables that lay in front of him, he looked at Karl. Karl was busy picking at the fish he had pan-fried. Turning back to his own vegetables, he decided to break the common silence that laid between them.

“So how was your day at work, honey?” Stephen joked, remembering his childhood dinners.

The clang of the knife and fork told him that his joke was not received as it was intended. Stephen look at Karl, who was shaken for a fraction of a second before saving face.

“Sorry, just something my mom would say,” Stephen mumbled.

“No, It’s fine, just unexpected.” 

There was an unexpected tension that rose up after he said it. Instantly, he regretted his error. Sometimes Karl seemed a little more tightly wound than others.

“I hope you don’t have an attachment to a pet name like that,” his voice came softer as his statement went on, “I don’t mind pet names, just that one is not really…” 

“Your style?” Stephen finished. “What kind of thing do you normally call someone?” 

“Bärchen… But that is not… I mean it’s just... I haven’t used it in years, and never with an English speaker. It wouldn’t fit you anyways. What kind of thing do you call someone?”

It was odd to hear Karl trip over his words in such a way, and he knew the sorcerer was deflecting the question in a way. Sure he answered it, but it sounded more like he was stating an historical fact rather than a desire to be called such things.

Once again Stephen picked at his food, growing a little more cautious of the topic as they continued.

“Never really cared what people called me. Most of the time I’d say babe, or love, or hot stuff.”

He highly doubted Karl wanted to be called hot stuff, but really you never knew. He once dated a guy for about two weeks who wanted to be called precious all the time. Stephen found him to be a bit more clingy than what he was comfortable with back then. Thinking back on it though, he was a sweetheart in a lot of ways. If things had been different, he might have been good for Stephen at one time in his life.

They soon dropped the subject, and the question lingered in the back of their minds. Eventually Stephen decided if they ever got to that point in their relationship, he could hear himself calling Karl ‘love’ or ‘my love’. In his heart of hearts it seemed to fit the man, although it had been a pet name he had used during his college years when he was going through a bit of a phase. 

It didn’t matter though, as they weren’t there and wouldn't be for quite some time. 

Stephen feasted that night, impressed with the quality of food. Of course he cleaned as Karl cooked, it was an unspoken understanding. Although Stephen had been doing most of the house chores, after dinner they did things together. The only difference tonight was that Karl had disappeared as Stephen took care of the dishes, straightened the dining room -slash- reception area of the house. 

Stephen sat on the couch after he had finished. This was after he had checked the other rooms downstairs for Karl. Having been absent from them, Stephen figured he had retired early, or was working on the spell again. It was odd how long it seemed to take, and he wondered if Karl’s heart was actually in it.

Instead he was surprised when Karl did reappear at the top of the stairs wearing nothing but a bathrobe, purple and lightly fuzzy, obviously Christine’s with their embroidered initials of CP. The top part didn’t fit right, revealing part of his chest.

Stephen was staring. It wasn’t as though they hadn’t seen one another naked, but this was something different. As Karl came down the stairs the air started to feel a bit hotter. Not looking at Stephen, Karl passed him and went to go sit on the porch. The door was left open, signaling to Stephen to come and join him.

Coming onto the porch, the first thing he noticed was the robe Karl was wearing was fully opened as he slouched down just enough so no one on the street would notice or think anything of it unless they came right up to the screen that covered the window like openings. 

There were always these little surprises that kept happening between them, Karl becoming a little less reserved day by day, something about the intimacy of the cottage that allowed them to be like this. Stephen wasn’t going to complain in the slightest, at least not about this. 

Minutes must have passed since he entered, and he almost forgot himself looking at Karl so intently, mesmerized by his form pressed against the loveseat, the light tan of the cushions and white of the painted wicker complementing his darker skin. Scars on the exposed parts of his body almost seemed to dance with light in the a slight shimmer of the moonlight.

“Well? You’re friend will be here tomorrow, I highly doubt this will be appropriate then.”

Stephen moved to sit near him.

“No, highly doubtful.”

Stephen made a move to undo the buttons of his own shirt, but Karl’s hand came up and stopped him.

“Patience.”

He was being patient, cautious. In some ways this was not him at all. 

“Du hast wunderschöne Augen,” Karl mumbled, a smile crossing his face as he met Stephen’s eyes.

Swallowing hard, he didn’t know what it meant, but it was probably not ‘do we have some ice cream in the freezer?’. Stephen’s breathing became a little bit heavier as his pants became a little tighter. All of his blood seem to empty his upper half, traveling lower. 

“Do you want to put up a spell or something?” 

Karl shook his head before answering, “Where is the fun in that? Besides, if you’re quiet no one will know. The wood is tall enough to cover us. Why do you think I would attempt such a thing otherwise?”

It was the being quiet part that made Stephen uneasy. Still he was willing to make an effort. 

.oOo.

When Christine came the following day, Stephen greeted her with a half smile, happy to see her, but still apprehensive about what would happen. Having both her and Karl here, on top of his new resolve to get some help, made him apprehensive on what kinds of secrets may be revealed about what they were doing or his personal life. It was inevitable that they would talk, and boy did Christine have enough stories to tell. Everything went pretty smooth, with Karl even not spending time with his books that had been moved down to the dining room for now. 

Stephen felt relieved by it all and even if Christine did reveal all those terrible stories, it didn’t matter if it kept Karl busy. 

The strange thing was that they seemed to get on as thick as thieves, exchanging pleasantries and finding common ground with their shared love of literature. He had no idea that the man had been so well read, and that he could even recite poetry off of the top of his head. Stephen was even starting to feel a little put out, never quite finding a love for fiction himself. 

Christine actually prepared dinner for them that evening, pleased at having guest with her on her vacation, and absolutely enthralled with Karl. It was an odd experience, but he was glad that there was no animosity between them. 

As they sat around, eating her ribollita and making chit chat, Stephen looked at the pair of people he would consider to be the closest to him. The topic was currently on Karl’s childhood now that Christine had unearthed the fact that he was born in Romania but grew up in Germany.

“But didn’t you have many difficulties? Weren’t they unkind to you because you don’t look typically German,” She asked out of curiosity.

It was the elephant in the room. Something that she probably was only able to ask because she had a few too many glasses of wine while cooking. Given that she was almost always on call, she rarely let her hair down, but when she did it was an experience. 

Thankfully Karl laughed at her enquiry. It had been so awkward to hear.

“Yes, but we rarely interacted with the general public. You forget that I have always belonged amongst sorcerers, and rarely did we meet those who were not invited. Isolation was part of our existence and I was taught from an early age that all those outside of our walls were essentially enemies. As a child everyone scared me, and they all seemed unkind in my mind. I must admit I’ve encountered more harsher realities inside of Kamar-Taj with all the different kinds of people and their prejudices.”

Stephen silently picked at his meal once more with his spoon. Christine was animatedly listening as she always had an interest in people and their experiences, while he preferred to let people share what they wanted. He didn't understand why she had to push and prod. Maybe that made him a bad person; he wasn’t sure.

“That must have been awful, but that is where you two met, right?”

Karl nodded, pouring himself and her another drink. Stephen abstained for once, his mood dampened by having both of them there.

When he brought his eyes up to look at Karl, Karl was smiling at him, his eyes filled with warmth. Thankfully Christine seemed more interested in retrieving more bread at the moment and missed the light blush that spread across Stephen’s face.

“You know, Stephen. If you told me Kamar-Taj had some handsome, charming men in it, I might have run away from the hospital with you,” She joked.

“Well at least you have Nic, right?” 

His joke had more of a sting to it than he wanted, and she glared at him. 

“Nic has always treated me like a human being, unlike someone at this table.”

“I always respected you. I don’t why you think differently.”

At this point, it was quite clear she had had enough of wine and enough of Stephen. She turned to Karl.

“Does he treat you so poorly?”

Now he was feeling terrible by her chastisement. He knew that he didn’t do right by her before, and maybe he never had made it up to her, but he was different now. 

“Stephen has changed quite a bit since the first time I have met him. I don’t know, maybe he was just hiding under his boisterous selfish desires. Or maybe he had been a horror when he first came. It doesn't matter now. It’s what we do with our lives in the moment. I would hate to have my past held against me.”

Stephen felt touched by the defense and Christine seemed to relax at Karl’s words. She turned back to Stephen.

“I never had anything with Nic. You know that.”

“I know. It was a poor joke.”

They both softened in their increased hostilities. Sometimes their history together was almost too much to bear, as they had been so many things together. The unspoken nature of their truths lay heavy between them. It was something he was not willing to share, and even though he had told her more than he had told anyone else ever, it was off limits to Karl at the moment. No matter how much she drank, it seemed that she always remembered that dark histories were not to be unearthed. 

When he looked at Karl, the other sorcerer eyes him suspiciously. There were pile of problems between the both of them they would not deal with. 

It was funny how she knew the most and here was Karl the one defending his honor. But it might have been the way of things. Karl didn't know him, so he was willing to defend him. Christine knew all of his spots.

Stephen sighed. Part of him wondered if he had made a right mess of things as they finished dinner.

Silently he took care of things, cleaning the table and doing the dishes. At first he was alone, quietly feeling the lukewarm water flow over his hands as he scrubbed the pot clean. 

He didn’t expect the light brush of fingers along his shoulder blade. It was a welcome surprise.  

“You never have easy relationships with anyone, do you?”

“Not since I was young.”

“If I were her, I would have given up on you long ago.”

Stephen nodded, focusing more on what he was doing, until Karl started to massage his shoulders. He had no idea he had been so tense until that moment. The knots were hard to get out. Groaning, he threw his head back, nearly hitting Karl with it. Thankfully the man was more alert despite the soft scent of alcohol on his breath.

“Magic.”

“I should stop. What if your friend would see?”

He breathed out with a noise that wasn't quite a sigh, but wasn't quite a groan. Damn it all to hell. 

“She’s seen another man fuck me before. This is nothing,” Stephen said with a half moan.

That had been when they were younger, much more free thinking, and they were on the outs anyway. She had been interested in a threesome that had eventually become more of a twosome, with her a voyeur to the whole thing.

“Are you saying if I take you here, right now, she won’t care? Fucking you against her kitchen cabinets?”

Stephen groaned and tilted his head so their mouths could meet. They only pulled apart when the water started to overflow, the sink old and without holes to drain it before it got to that point. Stephen jumped, turning it off and accidentally hit his hand hard in the process. His clothes were soaked, but he couldn't think about that. All he could think about was the pain. Sharp, agonizing pain he had not felt in quite a while shot coursed through his body and he yelped loudly. Tears welled up in his eyes and they started to fall as soon as Karl had fetched some ice for him.

“You have to be more careful.”

Something clicked inside him and he felt better about the whole thing. It was an odd sensation, as if things didn’t matter at that exact moment. And even though he knew it would change, and more quickly than it should, he felt like he was drowning in Karl’s dark eyes. The pain significantly reduced.

For a moment he contemplated begging Karl to cease in his research and his pursuit of his new found cause. 

“I’m not thinking straight these days,” Stephen confessed.

“I know.”

“I saw a sorceress the other day. She gave me the number of a therapist. I’m thinking about going tomorrow if I can.”

Karl nodded, half listening, half paying attention to Stephen’s hands. 

“If you think it will help.”

“I can’t continue like this. It’s too much.”

After Karl looked at his hand once more, he leaned in and pressed his lips against Stephen’s. His incident had killed the mood and it was a quick peck, but probably for the best as he heard Christine come down the stairs. Without enough room in the kitchen for three to be in it comfortably, Karl left before she walked into the kitchen. She didn’t look so happy, but she didn’t look terribly upset either. It seemed as though she sobered up some.

“Why do we always do this?” She asked as she reached for a cup.

Stephen tilted his head to question her.

“You and me. We can’t really stop, can we?”

He thought she understood alread. Despite the words he had used to attack her before, they both knew it. Ever since that night that Victor died, they were tied forever.

“You’re the only family I have.”

She smiled sadly at his assessment. It was something they had mentioned before, ages ago when they both had been so smashed and on the brink of restarting their relationship one more time. It was amazing how they never learned. 

“I know,” she responded, resting her head against his shoulder. “He won’t be mad if he comes back will he? He’s a good catch Stephen. Don’t be stupid.”

He sighed heavily, unsure if he should say anything. “We’re both not well. That woman who died, she was important and things that happened after were more traumatic than I had expected.”

She pulled him close, hugging him tighter. It felt good, like he was truly cared for. There was nothing romantic about it, completely platonic. In return he felt his emotions well up once again. Maybe she could feel it as well, as she squeezed him tighter. For a moment, he could pretend that she was family, the sister he had never really known. 

The moisture that flooded his bottom lashes threatened to spill down further, and he sniffled ever so quietly. However her ear was near his face, and he knew that she could hear it. It wouldn't be the first time. He also had a feeling that it wouldn't be the last either.

Stroking his back, she comforted him in a way that he had not felt even with Karl. He wondered if it was her familiarity or just her countenance. He didn't have to prompt or say a word to her, she just knew. Despite all the pushing and pulling they did with one another, it felt like they could never be rid of one another even if they wanted.

Yes, she was family. She had seen him hit bottom and bounce back multiple times in his life. No other person alive had been through so much with him.

When she pulled away from him, she wiped the moisture that seemed to cling to his cheeks. Her sad smile made him try to put on one for her as well. For once her pity was not offensive to him, and he now understood it wasn’t pity; it was empathy. 

“Stephen, if you need someone, I am here. I’m sure Karl feels the same as well.”

He nodded. He knew this already. Yet the words were a comfort to him nonetheless.

.oOo.

Stephen spent the morning and a good chunk of the afternoon in New Orleans of all places, and found himself feeling a little bit better after his meeting with Jericho. At first it had been painful as they had discussed in great detail about Daniel and his final moments. Then they started to deal with the reason Stephen had come to see Doctor Drumm.

Although Jericho had no direct dealings with Kamar-Taj, Stephen still felt the need to omit some of the information that brought him to the man in the first place. He left out the part about Karl, and when Mephisto had brought him to the brink, before Wong had been able to sort him out. Those incidents were either too dangerous or raw to talk about for him, plus he didn’t want to risk Karl being found out. He wanted to diffuse that situation before he explained it to anyone familiar or unfamiliar.

Nothing would really change in a day, but he still felt a little more comfortable about being proactive about what was troubling him. It had been a long time since he had talked about his problems, and Jericho was quite reassuring in a lot of ways with his disposition. It was a bit hard to believe that he had been brothers with Daniel. Although he could not have claimed to known Daniel, his first impressions were very different, and Stephen could only guess that Drumm’s years at Kamar-Taj had changed him quite a bit. 

I was already evening when he got back to Maine, and he first stopped at the store before returning to the cottage. As he stepped into the cottage he heard laughing coming from the porch- real genuine, deep laughter that most definitely was coming from Karl mixed with the the familiar laugh of Christine. Slowly approaching where they were sitting, Stephen leaned against the door for a moment. He looked at them with their glasses of white wine in their hands and their postures that screamed a familiarity that surprised him in many ways.

“So then he… Oh, Stephen. You’re back. Where did you go?”

He stuffed his hand in his pocket feeling the shape of the tube of pills that rested there. He didn’t want the sound of it to distract from the conversation, and he didn’t want to talk about it in detail either, not yet anyways. 

“I went to visit a friend.”

Karl shot him a look, obviously not buying his story that he had other friends. Surprisingly he spoke up, “Wong?”

Stephen shook his head, and decided to tell Karl who it was. Maybe Karl would know him, as Jericho knew of Karl. 

“Jericho Drumm.”

Karl seemed surprised for a moment, and then closed his eyes for a second in recognition of the name and why Stephen had gone. Surely the man knew about Jericho as they had briefly talked about how Karl had been the one to write to Jericho about his brother, probably during the time that Stephen was in the hospital fighting the zealot. 

Judging from Karl’s expression, they were going to talk about the topic later. His expression was well guarded, but there was an unease in the way he placed his hands on his legs that tipped him off. Perhaps he was worried Stephen had talked about him, or them. It was not an impossibility. 

“Sit, have a glass,” Christine urged.

He did sit, but he refused the glass. For a brief moment, they sat in silence and the pair across from him looked comfortable and cozy, something that he had not seen from both of them in a long time. It was almost surreal how they were together, the life he had lived and the was he was living converging in this small house. Like a dream, it felt that this moment would dissolve into nothingness, or the scene would be thrown into some kind of chaotic action. When neither of those things happened, and the two started conversing again, Stephen closed his eyes and put his head back for a moment. It had been a long day filled with personal and emotional challenges. 

“Stephen. Are you listening?” Christine demanded.

There was that irritated tone he never really liked, but he ignored it. He opened his eyes, pretending to be sleepier than he actually was. Both of them were looking at him with expectant looks.

Christine sighed, “I said, let’s go down to the pier! It’s been ages and I’m sure Karl’s never had a good old American experience like that. He’ll have to get some salt water taffy and fried clams, not together of course.”

She was excited and rambling. Her face had a slight flush to it that was always attractive to him, even after they had broken up. Yet he didn’t know if he was up to joining them. Something inside of him just wanted to shut himself off from the world for the evening, but he needed to encourage them. Instinctively he knew that Christine was a good influence on Karl, distracting him for the time being.

Almost as if Karl could read his mind about staying in and he spoke up, ”It would be good if you came with us.”

Stephen’s heart lurched at the way he had softly pushed Stephen towards a decision. 

“Besides, I don’t want to cook. I know you probably don’t want to either, and Karl here is our special guest, so we have to show him a good time. Come on Stephen. Don’t be such a stick in the mud. You were never like this before”

It made him crack a smile. He didn’t know exactly what would happen that evening, and he still wasn’t quite sold on the idea, but something in him decided that it was better to go than to not go. 

So they did, once Christine changed her clothes, drank a glass of water, and made sure to close up the house enough. Really they had very little to worry about in such a sleepy place, but you never did know. 

As they walked down the street, Christine hooked her arms between the two men, obviously quite happy about the arrangement. It almost reminded him of more simpler times when they were first together after med school, but before Victor’s death. 

She too seemed to bask in nostalgia, humming, obviously testing Stephen with his own game.

“Come on. You can do better.  _ Heart of Glass _ , Blondie off of Parallel Lines, 1978.”

“That one always makes me think of you. He knows every song ever. Did you know that?” She asked turning to Karl.

“No, but I can believe it.”

His eyes met Stephen’s for a moment, and even in the dimming light, they were mesmerizing in their expressiveness. God, if only Christine wasn’t there between them. On the one hand he appreciated her distraction, but at this very moment, he wished her gone.

He had no interested in clams, or sweets, or the crowd of people at the pier at this time of night on such a beautiful night. There was only one thought that his mind cared to entertain, and it was torture knowing that he would not be able to express himself freely for quite some time. 

Christine broke free of them, walking ahead and occasionally turning around, but basking in her freedom. Stephen understood the desire as the kind of life she lived was grueling, at times much more grueling than the type of life he now led. He always admired her spirit in many ways and smirked to himself as they walked down the street.

“Is your friend normally this jovial?” Karl asked quietly.

“You two seem as thick as thieves already, I thought you would appreciate it.”

“I do, but it seems an odd match watching the both of you. She’s positive, while you are…”

“Pragmatic?” Stephen suggested.

“Not the word I would supplement.”

Stephen laughed a single sardonic laugh at that. 

“Shows what you know,” He teased.

These little exchanges made things seem more normal despite the circumstances they found themselves in. There was a relaxing quality about them that Stephen had rarely encountered after his accident. Long ago it had been a frustrating struggle to heal his hands, and now it was just a struggle to get back to that point in time where he was starting to excel at Kamar-Taj. 

He looked at Karl and found himself holding his breath as Karl looked at Christine. She was still slightly up ahead of them on the road, and Stephen was curious as to why Karl kept looking at her. It wasn’t as they would get lost, there was only one way to go, unless one wanted to go to the beach.

Stephen went quiet as they walked. Christine fell back after a little bit, as if she had been given them a bit of time together and didn’t want to be left out the entire short journey they were taking. 

“Beautiful isn’t it? You can never see stars in the city. It’s one giant lightbulb. Sometimes I forget what it is like to be in a natural setting.”

They smiled, putting their heads down. Her energy was infectious, but they had a lot of unsaid things left between them. Stephen felt that it was coming to the point where they were going have to talk. It was going to come to a head soon. Only there was Christine, and even though she made things easier in some ways, it was also causing him some difficulties. Tonight was proof of that. 

The rest of the evening they spent at the pier, exchanging niceties. Stephen still tried to enjoy himself, but he often found himself sneaking glances at both Christine and Karl. 

Although they didn’t drink anymore, they took a turn around the pier, occasionally stopping to eat things Christine insisted they eat, and Karl seemed interested in some of the more unique aspects of the area. It was a very tiny touristy town and almost had a carnival feel to some of the areas they walked through. The bright neon lights seemed almost overwhelming, and although he was sure that Karl was traveled, he probably had very little experience with anything that came close to this type of Americana. 

Stephen did miss some of these things, despite his best efforts to convince himself otherwise. There were certain tastes that were unique to the area and to America. It had been a long time since he had eaten things like cotton candy or fried dough. Things that Christine really wanted Karl to try for some reason.

He had expected Karl to spit them out, the extra sugary and/or fried foods that most people abused Americans for. Instead, he slowly picked at them mindlessly and seemed content. Then he would do the most unimaginable thing ever, by taking the time to lick his fingers afterward, something Stephen was sure his mother would have never approved off. 

Looking away, he tried not to think of the image of Karl’s finger lingering on his lips for the fraction of a second after eating whatever it was they were eating. It made him think of all the obscene things they had been doing in the evenings before Christine had come. 

Maine was suddenly much hotter than he remembered. Thankfully the darkness probably hid his flush as his imagination mixes with memories, running wild with various scenarios.

Eventually when all the shops and other places started to shut down for the evening, they were able to enjoy a leisurely walk back with few others who were staying in nearby rental cottages or motels that lined the road right before the residential area. Stephen wanted so badly to touch, talk, and just interact with Karl alone at this point, it was borderline painful. He had to keep a lid on things though, and since they were Christine’s guests, he had to be on his best behavior. Boy, how things had changed since he had his accident. He now realized how much he had treated her like garbage, because if he was still that same person, he would have persuaded Karl to ditch her hours ago. Thankfully, he had grown as a person and had to keep reminding himself of this fact, otherwise he might have found himself slipping back into old habits.

He did let himself occasionally brush his hand up against Karl’s in such a way that it would not be construed as an accident, but to others it wasn’t as obvious as holding hands. Some reason he had the impression that Karl would not want something like that right now. 

At a few blocks left to go, Christine excused herself, telling them she wanted to see the beach in the moonlight and it gave Stephen a chance to have some time together alone. They walked silently side by side, neither one making any moves. It wasn’t surprising as Karl was pretty private, only sharing what he needed to share with Stephen.

Karl cleared his throat before he began to speak again, “Most who came to Kamar-Taj wound up like her, eventually they grow tired and homesick, returning to where they came from. You’re an exception Stephen. You never talked about where you are from, or what you miss about this place. Then again, you never cared to find out about others either.”

He didn’t know if it was an assessment on his defect of character or the man was praising him. 

“I missed my home, but I missed what I did more than the place I was in.”

He had never grown attached to a specific area, he just needed a place where he could shine. The only places like that were not cities like Boston or New York and really big cities were all the same to him. They were not his hometown. 

As a doctor, it was easy to shine brightly. He had interest, talent, and pride in what he did. The same was true for being a sorcerer now, even though he didn’t know it would be this way when he first entered Kamar-Taj. Maybe people didn’t know his name, but he felt he could be more brilliant now than before.

“You missed your hands. I know. You were obsessed, to the point where you would neglect anything that was not related to getting them back.”

Stephen thought of his selfish ways and a certain question pertaining to his obsession couldn’t help but pop into his head. It was a dangerous question, and he wasn’t sure if he should be asking it at this point in time, but common sense left him a few blocks before they had gotten to this point.

“Would you want to take my magic if I left Kamar-Taj to become a doctor again?”

Karl stopped dead in his tracks, and from the little light they had, Stephen could see he was pondering how to voice his opinion. Stephen knew; he just knew that Karl had an answer, but he didn’t want to upset their delicate balance. They were pulling on a thread now, threatening to unravel their lives.

“Yes, I would. You don’t understand Stephen. Using that magic weakens the Earth's defenses and brings about those who wish to destroy what we are. Like Kaecilius or the Ancient One, their tampering with Dormammu's powers brought him here.” He paused for a moment, “Although I am not pleased with all of your actions, I now understand they were done out of ignorance, but from a pure heart. In that we failed you in your educational needs. Now is the time to rectify it. I see that it is possible for you to come to the correct conclusion if you understand.”

He said it with such calm, conviction, and sense that it startled Stephen, even if he did not agree with the man whatsoever. 

They continued down the road; the both of them silent for the remainder of the walk.

Even when they went home, Stephen couldn’t bring himself to talk about anything. His heart was heavy, and he once again found himself becoming anxious about the whole situation, realizing the man’s heart had not softened for others they way it had for him. But he couldn't give his feelings away, and he just ran his hands along Karl’s body instead, helping him out of his clothes. 

Stephen watched as each piece fell to the floor, much like the illusions that Stephen had been holding on to up until this point.

.oOo.

Two days after he had his first session with Jericho, he had gone back to the man for other trivial reasons concerning the prescription he had been given, but found himself once again spilling his thoughts out in the man’s living room that doubled for a makeshift office space. Although he was licensed, it wasn’t as if he had a permanent practice or did this kind of thing regularly. As he had explained to Stephen before, he was only doing this as a favor in the honor of his brother’s memory.

Stephen was pretty sure that he had other motives as well; everything had been just a little too easy and a little too convenient for it to just be a favor. Plus there was the topic of money. Stephen had almost next to none of it, yet Jericho just dismissed the idea at the first mention of it. He highly doubted that the man would be doing this from just the kindness of his heart.

The morning surprised him, as he was feeling a bit better. It would take a while for the medication to kick in, and he hoped that there would be no adverse side effects, but nothing was guaranteed. He knew it would be a slow journey probably with many ups and downs. 

There was something about Jericho’s mannerisms that put him at ease. More so than the others he had interacted with before. Somewhat distant, but calming. He lacked the edges that could be found of most of the people that surrounded him. Then again, it was probably due to his training, but Stephen would like to believe that he could spot someone who was faking it.

When he left New Orleans and headed back, he didn’t know what to find. The last few days Karl had been distracted by Christine, feeling uncomfortable about how curious she had been about his books. Instead he allowed her to play tour guide and show him around the countryside. Stephen had no interest and didn’t go with him, instead taking the opportunity to snoop into Karl’s progress. Some of the things he could read and understand were surprising to say the least. Although Karl had insisted that he was far from perfecting the spell, it looked as though he was quite far along, which alarmed Stephen.

He wasn’t sure what he should do at this point. All he knew was he would have to do something about it soon. There was nothing else to be done. 

So he sat thinking seriously about how he was going to go about it. He wondered if it would be best to have an intervention, try to talk the man out of it and make him see the error of his ways. Reporting it was another option he considered, although he wasn’t sure what Wong or any of the others at Kamar-Taj could do. Even if he didn’t want to involve Christine, he felt he could use her to his advantage if he timed things right in the next few days. They could maybe have a discussion on morality, as Karl seemed to hinge everything on his flawed logic.

After thinking about it, his mood from earlier in the morning had dissipated and he felt the tension come back into his shoulder. 

Slumping over the table, he rested for a for a while. He must have dozed off, as next thing he knew he felt a broad hand being placed upon his shoulder, shaking him awake. Bleary eyed, he sat up to Christine placing bags upon the table, filled with something that was moving. Stephen figured she must have gone to get some lobsters or crab. 

Stretching, he cracked his neck, which gave small a jolt of pain down his spine. For a fraction of a second it almost felt like med-school again. However, instead of the house in Queens that he had rented a room in, it was a cottage in Maine with Christine and Karl. His hands were still mangled and his was life still a mess without the optimism of things becoming better.

Sighing, he tried to choke down the rush of feelings assaulting him at the at that exact moment. Memories and regrets threaten the upheaval of his current mental state. Closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again, he realized they were staring at him by this point, probably with good reason. Knowing that he looked a mess and sure that his reaction garnered some concern, he shrugged it off by excusing himself and headed towards the bathroom to splash some water on his face. 

After he did that, he couldn’t help but stare at himself in the mirror. His face had gotten thinner, and he probably should cut his hair, but at least he didn’t look as badly as he felt.

For a moment before Christine came to visit, there had been a few days where he had some hope, and he had been happy about new developments with him and Karl. Now after their conversation a few nights ago, any delusions he had of Karl and him getting better or moving on were shattered. 

When he came out of the bathroom he found himself face to face with Christine who was waiting outside the door for him, her arms crossed and looking tense. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” She demanded.

Stephen scratched at his temple, deciding whether or not to answer her. It wasn’t really his place to tell, but he if wanted her to help him, it was pertinent to tell her. 

“Nothing,” he eventually said, “I’m tired that’s all. I went to New Orleans again this morning to ask about something, and I stayed too long.”

She furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Dimensional portals and business.”

Whatever she wanted to know about, that would take care of it. He decided that he wasn’t about to go into it with her, and she seemed satisfied with that answer.

When he came out and went through the kitchen, Karl was already starting to boil water for whatever they had bought. They ignored each other for now, the familiarity of having some peace and quiet to themselves, focused on their individual tasks. Christine followed him, and finished unpacking whatever groceries she had picked up in the meantime. With a car it made it a bit easier, and he figured she was trying to mother him yet again in small ways. It was her habit, trying to take care of others, but it was unnecessary. 

A long time ago he would have found it annoying, but now it was a bit comforting to not have to think about it himself. There were many different things pressing upon him at this moment, that having to deal with food was an annoyance. 

Coming up behind her, he thanked her for her generosity, and patted her on the shoulder. In her hand, a bag of marshmallows, surely part of her conquest to introduce Karl to more ‘American’ things, as she had a few nights before. He rolled his eyes at her bag, but thankfully she didn’t catch him. He probably would have gotten an earful about not being a hospitable host to their guest. 

Dinner went smoothly, with Karl and Christine both preparing something for them. Christine tried to get them to go out for ice cream, and although Karl did seem interested, they declined proclaiming themselves to be full. Stephen wasn’t keen on sweets, but it seemed that Karl had more of a sweet tooth. 

There were things that he had discovered about the man over their time together that were informative, but surprising. 

Instead they stayed inside; a fairly quiet affair with none of them really making an extra effort to impress or really keep conversation going. Christine even wound up picking up a book after a few hours of sitting there. It would have been pleasant if Stephen had been in a better mood. Still he tried to put on a smile every now again, no matter how false he felt about it. 

Eventually, the retired for the night, with Karl and him climbing into bed as they normally did these days. After Karl’s confession, it had become more difficult to feel at ease, but still these moments he allowed himself to let his guard down. Curling up against Karl, this time burying his head into Karl’s shoulder. In return, Karl petted at his hair, his fingers intertwining with the strands. It was more comforting than even the sounds of the waves hitting the sand, or a warm drink on a cold night. It was love, even if he couldn’t say the words.

He loved Karl Mordo more than he had loved anyone else in his whole entire life. Yet, he knew that they only had fleeting moments left. Somehow, deep down inside he knew it would all come to an end shortly. So he stayed quiet and eventually a deep sleep overtook him, this time without the help of a spell; the first time since he had left Kamar Taj.

The next morning was relatively quiet, as Christine had left early to visit an elderly relative in a nursing home nearby -an aunt of a cousin, or some other sort of relation to that degree of separation. Stephen wasn’t quite sure and didn’t really care.

Emptiness filled the house and for a while, he just sat outside enjoying the nature and trying to sort things out in his head a little more. The quiet didn’t help inside, but outside life was busting on the busy Saturday it was. It seemed almost normal, except for the fact that he was now an exiled sorcerer. Not that anyone could tell that just by looking at him.

When he came into the dining room on his way to the kitchen to fix some lunch, he notice Karl had his books and notes out once again. They had been hidden away from sight when Christine came, and now that he knew that she was gone for the day, he resumed his activities. 

“Good. You’re here,” he said. 

Stephen froze in his tracks, a panic settling in his chest like it hadn’t done in a long time. Something told him he wasn’t going to like the next words out of Karl’s mouth. 

“I think I’ve cracked the code. It needs a little work, but it’s like I remember it. Something your friend said to me yesterday while we were getting the seafood helped jog my memory.”

He seemed quite content, and excited even for this development as he grinned widely and eyes practically sparkled with enthusiasm.

“Oh. That was quick. Do you want me to make you some lunch?” Stephen asked, his tone dead.

Karl looked at him with suspicion.

“Yes, thank you,” he said as his face fell.

He actually expected Stephen to be happy at his news, as if Stephen could partake in the joy of robbing someone of their magic. Of all people he knew what magic meant to those who could not heal themselves.

Entering the kitchen, his brain was on autopilot. As he fixed them both some lunch, he didn’t know what was going to happen, but he had to do something. Part of him wanted to run to Wong, but something stopped him. There was a feeling like Wong wouldn’t really care, or just tell Stephen to do something that he wouldn’t want to do. 

They ate in silence; Karl looking over the papers and books as they sat at the table. 

Stephen made himself scarce after lunch, instead going outside and walked around the block a few times to clear his head. Things were bad, really bad. Karl would be wanting to test his spell as soon as possible, and he couldn’t let that happen at all. He just couldn’t.

And when Christine came back a few hours later, with more food for some reason, he went inside with her. Karl was somewhere else and there was his books and notes neatly piled in the corner of the table. Stephen knew this was his chance. Whatever was going to happen, had to happen now. 

He starting going through everything, looking for Sanskrit of the spell, somehow knowing that Karl would not be writing in his native tongue or in English. Spells worked best in Sanskrit. 

Anything that was useless went to the side, and in front of the books, and the useful things he put in front of him. After a few minutes the wood was barely visible, and he only looked up when he heard Karl shouting.

“What are you doing!”

Christine came running into the room from the kitchen. She stood over the mess at Stephen’s right side, while Karl was on his left side. Anger seemed to pour off of him.

All the books and notes were sloppily spread over the table, and the game was up. Although she had no idea what it was, she could tell that is was something serious with Karl was glaring at him like he wanted to kill Stephen.

“What is the meaning of this? Why are you doing this?” Karl demanded to know, his voice filled with hate.

“Because, what you're doing is wrong,” he said narrowing his eyes.

“These are  _ my _ things. Besides, I thought you were wanting to help me. Suddenly change your mind? Or have you been lying to me this whole time?”

Stephen went silent, pressing his mouth into a thin line. 

“You’ve decided to become judge, jury, and executioner. How can I go along with that? I know you are better than that.”

“Says a man kicked out of Kamar-Taj. A man who has broken the natural law multiple times, and you wish to press  _ this _ point. I am no worse than the Ancient One, who picked and chose her disciples on whims.”

“You are threatening to take magic away from those who have gained the knowledge! You take what she freely gave, stealing a part of a person. You're worse than a thief planning a heist. This is a part of someone and their identity.”

For a moment there was quiet as they both seethed at one another. Christine stood back from both of them, watching the scene play out. She was wide eyed in shock. Even if she had seen this behavior from Stephen before, she had no idea what had been going on with him during this whole time. No one had known.

“Why should I listen to you? You act like you have such a high moral standard, but you have taken lives too,” Karl spat.

There was venom in his voice and it wounded Stephen deeper than anything had in a long time. Even through all of his suffering, he had not felt so attacked as he did at this moment.

“Kill or be killed, Karl. I didn’t do it because I wanted to!”

“You think I want to do this?”

Christine just stood there, and really Stephen would have urged her to go if he wasn’t so busy trying to contain his anger and rage.

“Yes, I think you do.”

“What do you know. You have no idea! You have no idea at all!” 

Karl moved closer to him, puffing out his chest ever so slightly out of anger and ready for more confrontation. It was obvious that he wouldn’t be tempted into actually striking Stephen at that moment, but he wouldn't be surprised if Karl wanted to test out his spell on him. There was that look in his eyes. 

In response, Stephen closed his eyes for a brief moment, bracing himself for what would happen. He was ready to put things in motion that had been a long time coming and essentially sever any ties with the man in front of him forever.

Seconds. It only too seconds for everything to go up in flames with a wave of Stephen's had. Only Christine’s screams seemed to register with him during the next moment or two. Then there was nothing as she emptied a fire extinguisher out on the ashes that once were books and papers. 

It almost felt like that day when he had been on top of Wong trying to get at him in order to kill him, only his role was reversed and Karl was the one possessed. This time though  it was only by the rage that had been brewing inside him since their encounter in the New York Sanctum and not some entity manipulating reality. This was all Karl.

So much for their dance of affection- a push and pull of attraction. 

He didn’t fight it, and if this was the end, it would be a fitting end. Only fate conspired against him once again as Karl stopped, his hands coming off of Stephen’s throat with almost the same suddenness as it had started.

Closing his eyes and gasping for air, he heard the screen door shut and knew that Karl was gone, probably forever. Stephen wasn’t sure to where of if they would ever cross paths again, but he didn’t care at that moment. He wanted to lick his wounds.

The violent way that his body contorted as he sobbed was unexpected, and he could barely feel Christine’s touch upon his skin. The remnants of his history collided in his mind, and he was left a victim in it’s mangled wreckage. Nothing made sense, nothing mattered, and at that moment he truly wished Karl had killed him. He deserved it, and he just wanted all the pain to end. 

Only after his wailing and crying was almost out of his system, did Christine try to urge him to sit up and he refused, instead crawling into her lap somewhat as she tried to calm him more by stroking his hair. Her fingers were light, as if he were made out of porcelain, which maybe was the truth at this point. He couldn’t really tell, he was too numb.  All of his strength had been taken from him over the past year or so, and what was left was a shell of his former self. 

And Christine was there once again to try to pick up the pieces. Like the previous times, it would not work. However, he couldn’t help but accept her pity again this time as he had come to realize that she was his family, the only one left at the end of the day when the dust had settled. All of his hope and dreams were shattered. 

.oOo.

“You look better,” Wong remarked as they sat in the empty courtyard.

“I’m not, but I’m trying to change that.”

“That’s all anyone asked of you.”

“I didn’t come here to talk about me though,” Stephen remarked.

Wong stayed silent, but looked surprised by Stephen’s statement. Taking a deep breath, he started to tell this story, and he was sure that this was not going to get any better anytime soon for either of them. 

It would have been interesting to be a fly in the courtyard of Kamar-Taj as Stephen spilled his guts out to Wong. He told him everything; starting from even before he had met Karl in that tavern. In fact, he started with that day the Ancient One had died, feeling the need to let it all out. 

He left a few unnecessary details out, like Karl and Stephen’s odd romantic entanglements along the way, and Christine’s visit to the cabin. But he could not stop until every little piece of history and his worries had been said.

When there was silence, he brought his eyes up to look at Wong, having turned them away before he even had begun his story. Shock would not have begun to describe all of the feelings written on his face. Stephen was quite sure it was because of what Karl had been doing, but he also had a hunch it was also due to Stephen not telling him before. As he waited for the shoe to drop, he turned his gaze away once again, instead looking off into the corner where Stephen had decided that it all started. 

“He won't stop,” Wong said softly but with a steeliness Stephen hadn’t heard in a long time.

“What can we do though?”

“Strange, you should have come to me first. Before you start to whine, I know why you didn’t, but I really wish you had.”

Wong got up, probably to leave.

“Is it alright if I stay here?” Stephen asked sheepishly.

“I think you have to stay here, but you won’t be reinstated. Just, stay and keep going to see Jericho.”

Stephen nodded, wanting to put it all behind him. It was time for him to return to Kamar-Taj and time to finally begin to heal properly. 

  
  


.oOo. Epilogue .oOo.

His cloak flapped in the breeze as he walked through corridors of Kamar-Taj, followed closely by Jericho, whom he had asked to come. As he approached the reception area, his palms became itchy from the sweat that was trapped inside of his gloves. He always hated when he had to come to Kamar-Taj, but it couldn't be helped. Entering the hall, he noticed Karl talking with one of the advanced students, the same girl that had been sent before when Stephen asked for another sorcerer to help him.

Karl narrowed his eyes, obviously displeased by the circumstances surrounding his appearance. Internally, Stephen sighed, unsure of how this would play out. It was one of a few reasons he tended to keep away from Kamar-Taj.

Quite a few years had passed since they spent those weeks in Maine; it almost felt like a different lifetime at this point. Slowly they both spent a lot of time recovering from Hong Kong and everything that came after; Karl coming back to Kamar-Taj after Wong had managed to talk some sense into the man. Stephen was sure it had not been an easy task. For months they avoided one another after Karl had returned. An easy feat as they had been housed only a mere few days together at Kamar-Taj before he was once again reinstated in New York under the supervision of another Master. A move he was sure Wong had orchestrated under the instigation of Karl. Stephen wasn’t going to shed any tears over that, especially since he couldn’t quite forget Karl’s hands wrapped around his throat at that point.

“Sorcerer Supreme. Doctor Drumm.”

Stephen closed his eyes for a second in response. They had a conversation about Karl just referring to him as Stephen more than once, but he understood it was a barrier erected in order for the other man to protect himself, so he accepted without much more protest after those first few months after Stephen's appointment. 

Letting it go, Stephen let Karl rant to Jericho about what had happened with the girl they had come to visit. After they discussed it with Jericho- a familiar story to both of them of a student being pushed too hard too fast, they went off into the courtyard together to leave the two of them alone. 

He looked around the courtyard, a soothing sight for weary eyes. Sometimes he missed Kamar-Taj with its fragrant smells and its pleasant weather, but it would never be home to him like it was to Karl. God, how the man just fit in this environment more than anywhere else. 

As his attention turned to the man at his side, he sighed heavily. Karl looked at Stephen with annoyance, even if there was a lack of hostility behind it.

“I told you she wasn’t ready,” he snapped out of earshot from others.

“I didn’t have a choice, and sometimes we have to push a little more than we should.”

He would have sent Wong to deal with this if it weren't due to the fact that Jericho had be involved. Karl tended to listen and engage a lot better with those who weren't Stephen. 

“You need to be more careful.”

“You know I could tell you it’s not your decision, but I am talking with you because I care about you and about this.”

It would be a more emotional speech if they hadn’t had it a dozen times before, but it worked every single time. A reminder of what they once had at one point. Tension seemed to flow out of the other sorcerer after a minute or two.

“I know. It’s not easy though.”

Stephen smiled sadly at him, and sometimes brief flashes of what could have been crossed his mind, but he always pushed them away after a few seconds. There were blockades between them that would never fall.

“You will tell me if you’re not happy though. I don’t want either of us or both of us to go backwards.”

Karl nodded.

“Things are good otherwise. You know you should have asked Jericho to help you if you were so desperate. Not taking one of them.”

Karl just couldn’t let it go. Still nagging at him.

“We’re lucky he has agreed to help us this much. He had other responsibilities as the Houngan Supreme. The problem here really is that you care too much. It makes you excellent at what you do, but also can be your downfall, if you’re not careful.”

“Oh, I’m sure that you don’t care and that’s why you're here,”

Giving him a sly smile as he said it, Stephen couldn’t help but smile back, his grin wide. It was true, he did care as well, but he wasn’t as affected as Karl was. 

For a second it felt like old times, and if it weren’t for the signs of age they both were victims of, he could almost imagine it being that day after they kissed for the first time. Part of him almost wished they could erase all the years that had passed, because he would change it all if he could. 

That was until he thought about how much better they had been off without one another. It was the only thing that kept him from trying to mend their relationship more. Karl was happy. He was happy after the difficult and complicated path he had traveled to become happy.

There was still that lingering attraction, and unable to help himself, Stephen put his gloved hand in one of Karl’s for a moment. Surprised eyes met his.

“I guess even after all this time, I can only think sorry and thank you for everything. I know it has been rough, but I am glad to know you.”

“Really?” Karl asked surprised.

He nodded.

Reluctantly Karl let go of Stephen’s hand before he spoke again, “He makes me happy. I know that you were worried after that night in Maine, but I’ve found peace with things.”

Stephen nodded, he knew. Although Karl and him had rarely spoken face to face, he knew. The way Wong had come to him a few weeks after he had been made Sorcerer Supreme and requested -more like demanded- a week off for both of them to get married, it had been quite a surprise, but he knew that they would be good for one another. How could have he denied it? Wong told him it had already been two years, and even though it seemed quite fast to Stephen, Wong was steady and the only one who seemed to be able to get through to Karl without having it explode in his face. They would do fine.

“I know. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Stephen. I always worried about you, but I don’t we could have ever worked out in any reality.”

“I loved you. I know I never said it at the time, but I did. I still do, just not in a romantic sense. Even if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. I never did. You just remind me off all my faults, that’s all.”

Their conversation fell into a lull, and Stephen smiled sadly at him before bidding him farewell. He had to stop it before things got a little too much for the both of them. 

Stephen took a last look around Kamar-Taj, as he went to leave the building entirely. Jericho would be able to find his way back, and he was sure that Karl would be accommodating until that point in time. 

As he walked through the corridor that connected the entrance to the reception hall, he saw someone hiding around a pillar. Thinking it was a student at first, he walked a little closer, curious as to who it could be. Before he came close enough to see, a head poked around the side of the pillar.

“What? I thought you were still in New York. You know the Master of Kamar-Taj would not be happy if he caught you here. Especially since you’ve never properly met.”

Stephen folded his arms, pretending he was angry. 

“Well, whose fault is it that you haven’t introduced us? Besides, I wanted to see this place you talk so much about. It seemed almost mythical, but really it looks like a regular building.”

Even in the dimly lit passage, her hair almost seemed to glow and her eyes sparkled with the same mischief that she had the first time he had met her. Coming closer and wrapping his arm around her waist, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. She leaned into him ever so slightly, before pulling away and walking in front of him, looking over her shoulder as she motioned for him to hurry up.

“My darling Clea, one day we’ll sit down and have a meal together, but there are still a great many things I need to tell you before then. And I may need a little help from Wong before I can introduce you.”

Walking out the door and into the streets of Kathmandu, life seemed much sweeter than it had in a very long time.  

**Author's Note:**

> German  
> Du hast wunderschöne Augen- You have beautiful eyes.  
> Bärchen- Little Bear.
> 
> Epilogue Pairings:  
> Wong/Mordo  
> Stephen/Clea


End file.
